Good for Nothing (2011)

Igne Rademeyer plays Isabella Montgomery, a young woman from England heading West to live on her uncle’s ranch after her father dies. Only she’s kidnapped by a bandit with sordid intentions, if only he could get aroused enough to carry them out.

Dragging Isabella along, he goes looking for help for his problem, visiting an American, Chinese and Indian doctor in turn. Problem is, he killed a lawman during his getaway. Now there’s a posse on his trail, led by the lawman’s brother.

And to entice others to ride along, he’s offered a double bounty on the whore who’s traveling with the wanted man.

That means that after trying repeatedly to escape from the outlaw, Isabella might need him as her protector should the posse ever catch up with them.

Inge Rademeyer as Isabella Montgomery wary of her captor in Good for Nothing (2011)

Collen Holloway as The Man, untrusting of his captive in Good for Nothing (2011)

Review

Hallelujah! Someone made an original, entertaining, well-acted Western.

The plot doesn’t take itself too seriously, but still manages to make you care what happens to the lead character, especially as The Man (Collen Holloway) begins to look at Isabella as more than a quick “poke.”

Among the memorable scenes: Isabella, her hands tied to the horn of a saddle, reacting as two Chinese miners grab a two-man saw to try to cut her free. Frustrated that the Chinese doctor can’t help him, The Man barges out of a shack, bumps his head on the door, shoots a chicken dead, grabs the chicken for a future meal and flings the bloody bird into Isabella’s hands.

The film was made in New Zealand and is filled with wonderful scenery. There’s even a decent score. All in all, the result is a film that looks a heck of a lot more big-budget than it was. Kudos to everyone involved.

John Pheloung as the sheriff in Good for Nothing (2011)

Richard Thompson as Will, the sheriff’s friend in Good for Nothing (2011)

Directed by:
Mike Walls

Cast:
Collen Holloway … The Man
Inge Rademeyer … Isabella Montgomery
John Pheloung … The Sheriff
Richard Thompson … Will
Toa Wakka … Medicine Man
Charles Lum … Chinese healer
Tao Jrang … Chinese interpreter
Toby Leach … The Doc
Barnie Duncan … Mexican tracker
Mark Norrie … Posse member
Tony Wyeth … Posse member
Sean McChesney … Posse member
Steve Cronin … Posse member

Runtime: 92 min.

Toby Leach as the doctor in Good for Nothing (2011)

Toa Waka as the Medicine Man in Good for Nothing (2011)

Memorable lines:

The Man: “My dick’s broke.”
Doctor: “What?”
The Man: “My dick’s broke.”
Doctor: “What’s wrong with it.”
The Man: “Got me a woman. Trying to give her a poke. It ain’t working. Need you to fix it.”
Doctor: “I’m in the middle of me supper.”

The Man: “Last horse was better.”
Isabella: “What happened to her?”
The Man: “Took her up a rocky pass, came up lame. Tried keep her alive. Tried for a long time, but rot was setting in. She was stumbling around, hurting bad. Slit her throat in the end. Couldn’t bring myself to eat her. I was hungry, too.”
Isabella sheds a tear.
The Man: “What are you crying for? It was my horse.”

Isabella, after the first show of tenderness from The Man: “What do you plan to do with me?”
The Man, matter-of-factly: “Give you a poke.”

The Man: “Why are your teeth so white?”
Isabella: “I clean them.”

Charles Lum as the Chinese healer in Good for Nothing (2011)

Tao Jrang as the Chinese interpreter in Good for Nothing (2011)

Inge Rademeyer as Isabella Montgomery in Good for Nothing (2011)

Collen Holloway as The Man in Good for Nothing (2011)

Inge Rademeyer as Isabella Montgomery thinks of home in Good for Nothing (2011)

Collen Holloway as The Man ponders the next destination in Good for Nothing (2011)

Collen Holloway as The Man and Inge Rademeyer as Isabella Montgomery in Good for Nothing (2011)

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