Jesse James vs. the Black Train (2018)

Jesse James (Paul Clayton) returns from the Northfield Minnesota Raid a defeated man. His gang has been shot up and he doesn’t even have any loot to show for the losses.

After talking to his mother and his wife Zee, he decides to pursue a new line of work. He starts a wild west show, financed by none other than Belle Starr.

After all, he’s still a hero back in Missouri, and they figure lots of folks will flock to a show featuring one of the most notorious outlaws in the West.

It works, but Jesse’s dreams remain haunted by a mysterious black train and its conductor, Emmett Black (Jerry Chesser). So he finds himself saving all of his money from the show so he can buy nitro to blow up the black train.

Meanwhile, the Pinkerton Agency is waiting for Jesse to slip, sure he’ll return to his old ways before long. They aren’t wrong.

Review:

Look, by now, if you buy or rent or watch a Western directed by Christopher Forbes, you should know what you’re in for — a low-budget affair saddled by lots of wooden acting and some laughably bad scenes and dialogue.

And you know we’re in trouble from the opening scene here. It’s the most inept re-creation of the raid on Northfield ever committed to film as two members of the Jesse Jame gang, who can’t hit the broad side of a civilian, are firing away at one guy, who’s shooting back from cover, and three women (!), who are standing in the open (!), guns blazing to defend their town. Except no town is in sight. Just a decrepit log cabin. Oh, my.

Other shake-your-head moments include the stock footage of child rodeo performers that’s supposed to represent Jesse’s wild west show, Jesse waking from a bad dream about the black train in a nightcap, and one in which Jesse’s nitro sends that black train hurtling through the air, but fails to destroy the small building in which the explosives were hidden.

As for the acting. Let’s just say Paul Clayton is not Tyrone Power (“Jesse James” from 1939). Or Robert Duvall (“Northfield Minnesota Raid” from 1972). Or Collin Farrell (“American Outlaws” from 2001).

This film is best avoided unless you’re desperate for a new Western.

Directed by:
Christopher Forbes

Cast:
Paul Clayton … Jesse James
Jerry Chesser … Emmett Blake
Jezibel Anat … Belle Starr
Frank Slemmer … Alan Pinkerton
Cody McCarver …. Cole Younger
Ashley Clayton … Zee
Gunner Bridger … Little Jesse
Daniel Dobson … Robert Ford
Elizabeth Proctor … Ma James
William Wylie … Lansdale
Roger Letizia … Holloway
Melvin Stewart … Tuscaloosa

Runtime: 80 min.

Memorable lines:

Female in her Sunday finest, firing a pistol: “This is Northfield, Minnesota, and we fight back.”

Ma James: “Did you get anything at all this time?”
Jesse James: “Ma, we barely escaped with our lives.”
Ma James: “Jesse, this just ain’t worth it anymore. Used to be a time you’d bring home so much gold, I’d have to hide it in the chicken coup. Now you and Frank are risking your lives for nothing.”

Jesse James: “What kind of name is Dunjun for a town anyway?”
Saloon girl: “Well, it used to be called Purgatory. But Emmett thought that was a bit heavy-handed.”

Jesse James: “I’m gonna steal the whole thing, rail cars and all.”
Emmett Black: “Which is why you need the locomotive?”
Jesse: “And you? You drive the train, right?”
Emmett: “I am the train.”