Alain Delon is Don Andrea Baldazar, a handsome young man from Spain with a noble bloodline who’s about to marry lovely Phoebe Ann Naylor (Rosemary Forsyth).
But the nuptials are interrupted when a U.S. Cavalry detail shows up, led by Yancy Cottie, who figures Phoebe Ann is his girl. After all, she accepted his engagement ring.
Before the confrontation ends, Don Andrea has accidentally killed Yancy and is forced to flee, agreeing to head to the territory of Texas where Phoebe Ann will later join him.
He’s soon recruited for his sharp-shooting skills by Sam Hollis (Dean Martin) and his Indian sidekick Kronk (Joey Bishop). They need to deliver a load of six-guns through Comanche country to Moccasin Flats.
Sure enough, the Comanche come calling. Meanwhile, Don Andrea and Hollis have a falling out that they agree to settle once they reach Texas.
Phoebe Ann reaches Texas too. So does the U.S. Cavalry, still chasing Don Andrea. And he’s picked up a new female admirer in Lonetta, a pretty Indian squaw he rescued from death at the hands of a medicine man, which sorta complicates matters.
Alain Delon as Don Andrea Baldazar, Rosemary Forsyth as Phoebe Ann and Dean Martin as Sam Hollis in Texas Across the River (1966)
Review:
A comedy Western that offers some genuine laughs — many provided by an Indian chief’s son who can’t do anything right — but not enough to merit a run time of nearly two hours.
Sam Hollis winds up spending more time wooing Phoebe Ann than worrying about Moccasin Flats or Comanche. That includes pretending to be far more seriously injured than he really is from an arrow to the behind so that she’ll try to nurse him back to health.
Meanwhile, pretty Tina Aumont has to play it straight as the Indian squaw saved by Don Andrea. In return, she pledges her life to him and teaches him the Comanche trick for taming longhorns so that he can fulfill his dream of owning a ranch out West.
Alain Delon was a heartthrob overseas, but never achieved the same type of stardom in the U.S. Peter Graves is the cavalry commander obsessed with bringing Delon’s character to justice.
Dean Martin as Sam Hollis and Alain Delon as Don Andrea Baldazar in Texas Across the River (1966)
Directed by:
Michael Gordon
Cast:
Dean Martin … Sam Hollis
Alain Delon … Don Andrea Baldazar
Rosemary Forsyth … Phoebe Ann Naylor
Joey Bishop … Kronk
Tina Aumont … Lonetta
as Tina Marquand
Peter Graves … Capt. Stimpson
Michael Ansara … Iron Jacket
Linden Chiles … Yellow Knife
Andrew Prine … Lt. Sibley
Stuart Anderson … Yancy Cottie
Roy Barcroft … Morton
George Wallace … Willet
Don Beddoe … Mr. Naylor
Kelly Thordsen … Jed
Nora Marlowe … Emma
John Harman … Gabe
Richard Farnsworth … Medicine Man
Runtime: 101 min.
“Texas Across the River”
Sung by Kingston Trio
Tina Aumont (Tina Marquand) as Comanche girl Lonetta in Texas Across the River (1966)
Memorable lines:
Yancy Cottie: “I thought you were engaged to me. Well, answer me. Weren’t you?”
Phoebe Ann: “Why, Yancy, certainly you didn’t mistake a couple of little kisses for an engagement.”
Yancy: “You accepted my ring, didn’t you?”
Phoebe Ann: “It would have been bad manners to refuse. Besides, you were going off to war to shoot Indians, and you looked so handsome in your uniform and brave and the moon was shining and (as he tries to kiss her) stop that!”
Phoebe Ann: “I’ll have you know that noble blood flows through Don Andrea’s veins.”
Yancy Cottie: “Well, I hope that noble blood doesn’t stain your white petunias.”
Phoebe Ann to a fleeing Don Andrea: “I’ll get to Texas as soon as I can.”
Don Andrea: “Where in Texas? How will you find me?”
Phoebe Ann: “I’ll find you. Texas isn’t even a state. How big can it be?”
Joey Bishop as Kronk, Dean Martin as Sam Hollis and Rosemary Forsyth as Phoebe Ann prepare to confront marauding Comanche in Texas Across the River (1966)
Don Andrea: “What is this Comanche?”
Sam Hollis: “Injuns.”
Don Andrea: “Ah, the savage that takes the hair from the head. Yes?”
Hollis: “Yes, if you hold still long enough.”
Don Andrea, after a falling out with Hollis: “From now on, you’ll address me only as your grace.”
Sam Hollis: “Grace, my boy, as soon as I deliver these guns to Moccasin Flat, I’m going to address a hole right through your Baldasar head.”
Trail boss, of Phoebe Ann: “That girl scrubs herself so dang often, she must be down to her bones by now.”
Phoebe Ann, as she comes out of the river in a blanket that’s clinging to her skin and sees Sam Hollis taking a close look: “Well, it’s plain to see you’re no gentleman.”
Hollis, watching her storm past: “Well, it’s plain to see you ain’t one either.”
Phoebe Ann, when Sam Hollis is slow to recover from an arrow to the butt: “I declare, Kronk, I never knew a man to stay delirious for three whole days.”
Kronk: “Comanche never use clean arrow.”
Phoebe Ann: “Oh.”
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