The Lone Ranger (2003)

Chad Michael Murray as Luke Hartman, under Tonto’s tomahawk as a result of a misunderstanding in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Nathaniel Arcand as Tonto, the young Apache brave who saves Luke Hartman’s life in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Chad Michael Murray is Luke Hartman, a lawyer in training back in Boston who’s come West to Dallas to visit his brother.

He finds Harmon running a general store. But when trouble comes, Harmon Hartman dons a Texas Ranger badge and rides off with his colleagues to dispense justice.

Trouble is coming often to Dallas these days. The railroad is on its way. And a band of no-goods known as The Regulators are trying to clear the way by chasing good folks off their land.

Luke insists on following the Rangers to their camp. Harmon reluctantly allows him to stay, vowing to keep his younger brother out of danger when the Rangers confront the Regulators.

What neither of them know is that Kansas City Hass (Dylan Walsh), one of Luke’s good friends and a fellow Ranger, is also the leader of the Regulators.

In the middle of the night, he and his Regulator friends open fire on the Ranger camp. When the shooting ends, no one’s left alive.

Or so the Regulators think. Luke survives his wounds and is nursed back to health by Tonto (Nathaniel Arcand), then taught the ways of the Apache with the help of the shaman Kulakinah (Wes Studi).

Before long, he’ll don a mask cut from his dead brother’s vest and ride on a white horse named Silver alonside his new friend Tonto.

Their first order of business: Avenging the death of Luke’s brother and ending the Regulators’ reign of terror.

Wes Studi as Kulakinah, the shaman who helps Luke learn the Apache way of life in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Dylan Walsh as Kansas City Hass, leader of The Regulators who are wreaking havor around Dallas in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Review:

The WB planned this as a pilot for a new TV series starring Chad Michael Murray, who had become a heartthrob via supporting roles in “Gilmore Girls” and “Dawson’s Creek.”

According to Entertainment Weekly, the high cost of filming a Western TV series became an issue, so it aired as a TV movie instead.

There would have been other reasons to nix plans for a new Lone Ranger series. The biggest: This pilot isn’t very good. And good looking as he is, Chad Michael Murray is about as believable as Micky Mouse would have been in the lead role.

Signs of trouble come early. No sooner has he arrived in Dallas than Luke Hartman comes upon an Apache girl named Alope who’s being harassed by a gang of ruffians.

He prevents a gang rape by waving a law book at those lustful baddies, pretending there’s a gun hidden inside. No sooner have the ruffians dispersed than Tonto literally flies into the scene — Kung Fu style — thinking it’s Luke who’s harassing his sister.

By the end of the pilot, Alope is one of three pretty young ladies batting their eyelids at Luke. Which might make you wonder what might have been had the series been made.

Or maybe not. Because the credits are preceded by a metal guitar version of the William Tell Overture — just the capping touch on a remarkably jarring soundtrack.

Those credits are also preceded by plenty of other of other chances to chuckle, especially over this TV movie’s lack of Western credibility.

Anita Brown as Alope, Tonto’s Apache sister, saved from a brutal gang rape by Luke Hartman in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Fay Masterson as Grace Hartman, Luke’s sister-in-law, widowed by the Regulators’ ambush in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Directed by:
Jack Bender

Cast:
Chad Michael Murray … Luke Hartman / The Lone Ranger
Nathaniel Arcand … Tonto
Anita Brown … Alope
Fay Masterson … Grace Hartman
Sebastian Spence … Harmon Hartman
Dylan Walsh … Kansas City Hass
Wes Studi … Kulakinah
Bradford Tatum … Tryon
Jeffrey Nordling … James Landry
Lauren German … Emily Landy
Tod Thawley … Tera
Gil Birmingham … One Horn
Paul Schultze … Sheriff Landry
David Franco … Chandler
Martha Hackett … Margaret
Mike Weinberg … Harmon Jr.

Runtime: 86 min.

Jeffrey Nordling as James Landry, the businessman behind much of the trouble in Dallas in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Lauren German as Emily Landry, the newspaperwoman eager to meet the stranger from the East in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Memorable lines:

Harmon Hartman, looking through his binoculars at an approaching rider: “It’s my brother, dammit. He’s more stubborn than I am.”
Kansas City Hass, a fellow Ranger: “That’s a frightening thought.”

Kansas City Hass, of the Texas Ranger, after the ambush: “Brave, stupid and dead. That should make things easier.”

Luke Hartman, waking in an Apache teepee: “Where are my clothes?”
Alope: “We had to take them off to clean you.”
Luke: “Who did?”
Alope, smiling slyly: “We did.”
Luke: “I hope it didn’t look too bad, did it?”
Alope: “It didn’t.”

Luke Hartman, about to begin his Apache spirit journey: “I’m from Boston. I don’t have a spirit to embrace.”
Kulakinah: “It may be hiding.”

Kulakinah: “Your face is the face of a good boy. And the good will love and respect you. But the evil care not for love and respect. They care for only one thing. To beat them Luke Hartman, you must show give them something you do not have. You must give them a face to fear … Yes, a mask. It can protect your good face. And fill them with nightmares.”

Kansas City Hass to the corpse of a former ally: “Call my savagery incompetent? You stupid bastard. You think that’s a good motivator? Now you need a cork for your ribcage!”

The Lone Ranger to Kansas City: “Death’s the easy way out.”

Tod Thawley as Tera, Tonto’s rival to become the new young leader of an Apache band in The Lone Ranger (2003)

Chad Michael Murray as Luke Hartman, making the transition to The Lone Ranger in The Lone Ranger (2003)