Jane Russell is Calamity Jane, sitting in jail facing 10 years in prison when she’s broken out by two men she doesn’t know.
Turns out the governor arranged the jailbreak in order to make Calamity a proposition: Go undercover and help catch whoever is selling guns to the Indians in exchange for a full pardon.
She’s supposed to travel in a wagon train with a pretend husband. When the pretend husband turns up dead, she latches onto a cowardly dentist named Peter Potter (Bob Hope).
But “Painless” as he is known, soon becomes a hero for shooting 12 Indians during an attack on the wagon train. What no one realizes, including “Painless,” is that Calamity did the real shooting while he fired aimlessly out of a barrel in which he was hiding.
More trouble awaits Calamity and “Painless” in Buffalo Flats, the town where the gun-running is supposed to be taking place.
Review:
One of the most commercially successful Western spoofs of all time, the film spawned a sequel (1952’s “Son of Paleface”) and a remake (1968’s “Shakiest Gun in the West” starring Don Knotts).
It’s indeed very funny in spots, with the highlights including all the tips “Painless” Peter is given before a gunfight with Big Joe over a saloon girl named Pepper and the final chase sequence in which Calamity and “Painless” flee an Indian camp in a wagon filled with dynamite.
There are running gags, too. Calamity has a habit of conking “Painless” on the back of his head whenever they kiss, leaving him to believe her kisses pack a mighty wallop. And “Painless” is forever forgetting to hitch the horses to the wagon before heading somewhere.
Hope also sings a nice version of “Buttons and Bows,” which won the Academy Award for best song.
Directed by:
Norman McLeod
Cast:
Bob Hope … Peter Potter
Jane Russell … Calamity Jane
Robert Armstrong … Terris
Iris Adrian … Pepper
Bobby Watson … Toby Preston
Jackie Searl … Jasper Martin
Joseph Vitale … Indian Scout
Charles Towbridge … Gov. Johnson
Clem Bevans … Hank Billings
Jeff York … Big Joe
Stanley Andrews … Commissioner Emerson
Wade Crosby … Jeb
Chief Yowlachie … Chief Yellow Feather
Iron Eyes Cody … Chief Iron Eyes
Runtime: 91 min.
Memorable lines:
Painless Potter: “I’m going back East where men may not be men, but they’re not corpses either.”
Peter, helping Calamity adjust her dress: “Hey, you know, it’s a funny thing. We’ve been married two hours, and this is the closest I’ve gotten to you.”
Calamity: “Well, you’re so strong, silent and unapproachable.”
Peter: “Wanna bet.”
Scout: “The sooner we get past that Indian country, the better.”
Peter: “Indian country. Do we have to go that way?”
Calamity: “You’re not afraid, are you?”
Peter: “No, I can always get another scalp.”
Calamity: “Pick up those guns and take care of yourself.”
Painless Peter: “Take care of myself? Look, there’s a million Indians out here against one coward.”
Calamity, after saving Painless Potter in a gunfight: “There’s an old saying: When you’re hunting a mountain lion, stake out a goat.”
Calamity: “Jump, Painless, jump.”
Painless: “If I jump, I’ll get killed.”
Calamity: “But the dynamite.”
Painless: “Rigamortis, here I come.”
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