A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Seth MacFarlane plays Albert Stark, a sheep herder who hates life in the West, where there are oh so many ways to meet your end.

One thing makes his life bearable – the love of a pretty girl named Louise (Amanda Seyfried).

But after Albert talks his way out of a gunfight, Louise dumps him and lands in the arms of the wealthier Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), owner of the local mustache shop.

Albert is ready to give up life on the frontier and head to San Francisco when he rescues Anna (Charlize Theron) during a barroom brawl.

She befriends him and offers to pretend to be his girlfriend in order to make Louise jealous.

And when Albert challenges Foy to a gunfight in a fit of rage, she offers to teach him to shoot.

Naturally, after spending so much time together, they start to fall for one another.

But that could be dangerous for our mild-mannered sheep farmer.

You see, Anna has a secret. She’s the wife of Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), one of the most vicious outlaws in the West.

And he’s asked her to take safe haven in the town of Old Stump to await his return from a planned holdup, not to fall into the arms of another man.

Seth MacFarlane as Albert, thanking Anna for all her help in helping him win back a former love in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Charlize Theron as Anna, a young woman trying to live down a mistake in her past in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Review:

MacFarlane serves up some genuinely funny moments and he and the cast demonstrate how many bizarre ways there are to die in the West.

We get a great looking film. Heck, a large portion of it was shot in Monument Valley of John Ford fame.

And the film features an excellent score, though it’s a shame we have to wait until the credits role to hear the clever title track.

But what we also get is an overabundance over sex jokes, drug jokes and excrement jokes. Heck, two characters – Albert’s best friend Edward and his prostitute girlfriend Ruth – seem to be included just for the sake of piling on more sex jokes.

And if the excrement jokes haven’t grown tiresome before then, you’re very likely to scream, ‘OK, enough is enough’ when Albert and Foy finally engage in their “gunfight.”

Liam Neeson as Clinch, the gang leader returning for a reunion with his wife Anna in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Evan Jones as Lewis, the outlaw who was supposed to watch over Anna but lands behind bars in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Directed by:
Seth MacFarlane

Cast:
Seth MacFarlane … Albert
Charlize Theron … Anna
Amanda Seyfried … Louise
Liam Neeson … Clinch
Giovanni Ribisi … Edward
Neil Patrick Harris … Foy
Sarah Silverman … Ruth
Christopher Hagen … George Stark
Wes Studi … Cochise
Matt Clark … Old Prospector
Evan Jones … Lewis
Aaron McPherson … Ben
Rex Linn … Sheriff/Narrator
Brett Rickaby … Charlie Blanche
Alex Borstein … Millie

Runtime: 116 min.

Amanda Seyfried as Louise, breaking up with Albert about he backs out of a gunfight in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Neil Patrick Harris as Foy, fondling his mustache before engaging in a shooting game against Albert in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Memorable lines:

Edward, as his friend Albert climbs in the saddle: “Hey, dude, you really shouldn’t drink and horse.”

Albert, explaining the dangers of the West to Anna : “Our old school marm got her throat slit by a fast-moving tumbleweed.”

Albert, once again bemoaning the danger of life in the West: “That is our Mayor. He is dead. He has been lying there dead for three days. No one has done a thing. Not moved him, not looked into his death, not even replaced him with a temporary appointee. For the last three days, the highest ranking official in our town, has been a dead guy.”
Two wolves appear and drag off the body.
Albert: “Oh, look at that. Look at that. Wolves are dragging the body away, as if to illustrate my point. Bye! Bye, Mr. Mayor. Bye, have fun becoming wolve’s shit.”

Giovanni Ribisi as Edward, waiting to take his girlfirend on a picnic as soon as she’s done her whoring duties in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Sarah Silverman as Ruth, the whore who won’t have sex with her boyfriend before they’re married in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Anna: “You’ve made something of yourself out here. A lot of people can’t say that. You’re a good sheep farmer.”
Albert: “Please. I suck at sheep. Louise was right. I can’t keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse last week.”
Anna: “Really?”
Albert: “Yeah. Wandered in there. And when I went to pick it up, it had somehow made $20.”

Anna to Louise: “How can you be so blind with eyes that big?”

Edward: “Look, Clinch Leatherwood.”
Albert: “Great. Another thing that can kill us. We should just all wear coffins.”

Seth MacFarlane as Albert, practicing his six-gun skills under the guidance of Anna in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Charlize Theron as Anna, mixing a special concoction for Foy in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Liam Neeson as Clinch, returning a special daisy to Anna (Charlize Theron) in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Wes Studi as Cochise, bidding farewell to Albert after dispensing some drug-induced wisdom in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Matt Clark as an old prospector, about to be relieved of his gold and perhaps his life by Clinch’s gang in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Alex Borstein as Millie, brothel owner, questioning Edward about his relationship with one of her whores in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Liam Neeson as Clinch, holding Anna (Charlize Theron) as his bait to lure Albert into a showdown in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Charlize Theron as Anna and Seth MacFarlane as Albert watching Clinch and his gang approach the sheep farm in A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)