Advance to the Rear (1964)

Col. Brackenbury (Melvyn Douglas) and his Union soldiers have found a quiet little spot in the middle of the Civil War.

The Confederates fire a few artillery rounds at them every morning; they fire a few back. The generals are happy; casualties are minimal.

Then Capt. Jared Heath (Glenn Ford) throws “the status quo” out of whack by capturing a couple of Rebels. Soon, someone orders a charge, and Brackenbury, Heath and their troops wind up charging away from enemy,

What to do with soldiers like this? Well, the Union command decides to form a company of misfits — Company Q — under the demoted Brackenbury’s command and send the company far West, out of harm’s way.

The company includes a kleptomaniac, a pyromaniac, one soldier who hiccups every time he gets excited and another who smells so much like a horse that horses just naturally follow wherever he goes … that’s how the aforementioned retreat started.

Anyway, the Confederates catch wind of this “hand-picked” regiment heading West and get alarmed. They dispatch their ace scout — a visual treat named Mary Lou Williams (Stella Stevens) — to find out what’s up.

Capt. Heath immediately takes a liking to the pretty young blonde; she tries to stave off his advances.

Meanwhile, the Union command realizes it has made a major mistake. Company Q has relieved a far more competent unit just when a $2 million gold shipment is making its way East.

A renegade Confederate commander, Hugo Zattig (James Griffith), has his eyes on the loot. So does an Indian chief (Michael Pate) who graduated from West Point and is aligned with the South.

Glenn Ford as Lt. Jared Heath, whose capture of three Confederate soldiers sets off an unlikely series of events in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Stella Stevens as Confederate spy Mary Lou Williams, working to help her comrades steal $2 million in Union gold in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Review:

A charming little comedy Western. Okay, it gets a little too silly at times, but some of the scenes are genuinely funny. Hey, Brackenbury even gets the catapult he’s been clamoring for in time for the climatic showdown.

Stevens, looking lovely, and Ford steal the show in their scenes together. But you’re going to notice lots of familiar faces, including Jim Backus as the Union general who makes the mistake of assigning Company Q to guard the gold and Alan Hale Jr. as a sergeant who watches hopelessly as the men in Company Q struggle to even mount a horse.

For a while, it appears Company Q will live up to its poor reputation. Heck, the entire company is captured by Indians while peeking at some bathing native beauties. Stripped of their uniforms, guns and horses, the cause seems lost.

But Capt. Heath rallies the men, with the help of wooden skies and other strange innovations. The end result is a neat little film.

Melvyn Douglas as Capt. Claude Brackenbury, bemoaning a demotion caused by a runaway horse in Advance to the Rear (1964)

James Griffith as Hugo Zattig, dressed in a Union uniform and deciding he might keep the gold for himself in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Directed by:
George Marshall

Cast:
Glenn Ford … Capt. Jared Heath
Stella Stevens … Mary Lou Williams
Melvyn Douglas … Col. Brackenbury
Jim Backus … Gen. Willoughby
Joan Blondell … Easy Jenny
Alan Hale Jr. .. Sgt. Davis
James Griffith … Hugo Zattig
Michael Pate … Thin Elk
Andrew Prine … Pvt. Owen Sealous
Jesse Pearson … Cpl. Silas Geary
Whit Bissell … Capt. Queeg

Runtime: 97 min.

Title Tune: “Company of Cowards”

Michael Pate as Thin Elk, an Indian chief working with renegade Rebel leader Hugo Zattig in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Stella Stevens as Mary Lou Williams, finding herself a captive of her supposed allies, including Monk (Chuck Roberson, right) in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Memorable lines:

Capt. Heath: “I’ve been out on patrol, sir. Matter of fact, we brought you a couple of prisoners.”
Col. Breckenberry: “Prisoners? Who told you to go out after any prisoners?”
Heath: “Well, nobody told me, sir.”
Breckenberry: “Take them back. … We’ve got a nice, quiet, well-regulated sector here. Every morning at 6 o’clock, the Rebs fire 30 rounds of ammunition at us. Then, at 6:30, we fire 30 rounds at them. Keeps their generals happy and it keeps our generals happy and no one much gets hurt. But now you have to go out and capture prisoners and upset the whole status quo. They’re not going to like that, captain. It’s going to make them mad. Real mad.”

Private Owen Selous, as a hooker named Ora starts getting friendly: “Would you care to sit down and talk?”
Ora, looking baffled: “Talk? Well, that might be kinda fun for a change.”
Selous watches her slide into a chair, then hiccups.

Mary Lou: “How dare you call me a spy?”
Jared Heath: “How dare you be a spy?”

Alan Hale Jr. as Sgt. Davis, baffled by Col. Brackenbury’s desire for a catapult in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Andrew Prine as Pvt. Owen Sealous and Glenn Ford as Lt. Jared Heath, stealing a glance at some bathing beauties in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Mary Lou as she’s being romanced by Capt. Heath: “Let’s say I was a spy … That would make us enemies.”
Heath: “And we’d be starting out at the point in marriage that it takes some couples 20 or 30 years to achieve.”

Mary Lou: “I’m not going to marry you.”
Heath: “We’ll talk about that after the wedding.”

Hugo Zattig, explaining why he’s going to have to steal the gold he just stole for the Confederacy: “You see, it’s not that I ain’t patriotic, understand. It’s just that every man has his own price, and mine just happens to be $2 million.”

Hugo Zattig, as his men ride into town to reclaim the gold: “Keep your eyes open. You see anything that wiggles, shoot it.”

Mary Lou, after her gun goes off: “Jared, I might have killed you.”
Heath: “Well, it’s a lucky thing you missed, honey. Our children would have never forgiven you.”

Stella Stevens as Mary Lou Williams and Glenn Ford as Jared Heath, startled by a knock on her door in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Jesse Pearson as Cpl. Silas Geary, a soldier who smells like a horse and is constantly followed by horses in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Jim Backus as Gen. Willoughby, about to realize he’s sent a company of misfits on a vital mission in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Joan Blondell as Easy Jenny, getting kicked out of town along with all of her girls of the night in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Stella Stevens as Rebel spy Mary Lou Williams, finding a surprise in her room, Union Lt. Jared Heath in Advance to the Rear (1964)

Melvyn Douglas as Col. Brackenbury, afraid to watch as he commands Company Q to mount their horses in Advance to the Rear (1964)