Matthew Perry is Leslie Edwards, a gentleman explorer and scientist determined to beat the Lewis and Clark expedition to the Pacific Ocean in 1804.
And since Lewis has already snagged Clark to serve as his guide, Edwards hires Bartholomew Hunt (Chris Farley).
That’s after delivering a timely pardon to rescue Hunt from the gallows, where he’s about to be hanged for drunk and disorderly conduct.
Edwards gathers a motley crew for the hazardous journey, but is left with just one boatload of companions after most of the men decide to visit New Orleans instead.
Those remaining include a translator named Fontenot, who can’t seem to speak the language of any tribes they come across, but has a very pretty Indian (Lisa Barbuscia as Shaquinna) traveling with him.
He threatens to kill anyone caught looking at her. Edwards is tempted to look, quite often. So are some of the other men.
The merry band also includes an old-timer named Jackson, who’s always dreamed of seeing the Pacific; a bagpipe player named Higgins, who only knows one tune; and a man named Bidwell, who has a bad habit of losing body parts.
And if the Indians and the treacherous terrain don’t provide enough of a challenge, the small party also has to contend with Hidalgo and his nasty band of conquistadors.
Matthew Perry as Leslie Edwards, watching most of his men head off to New Orleans in Almost Heroes (1998)
Chris Farley as Bartholomew Hunt, trying to help keep pace with Lewis and Clark in Almost Heroes (1998)
Review:
Shame the movie isn’t almost worth watching.
Okay, that might be a bit harsh. It might make you chuckle occasionally.
Like when Perry falls ill and a starving Farley has to deliver an eagle egg to cure him, only to return and discover all that was needed was the shell.
But the film’s early reliance on low-brow humor — puke jokes, rutting pigs, etc. — is an early warning sign of a bumpy journey to the closting credits.
Matthew Perry, in the middle of his run on the hit comedy “Friends”, does a decent job in the lead role. Barbuscia is fetching, if underused.
Farley is loud, obnoxious, louder and almost never funny. This film was actually released after his death at age 33 from an overdose of heroin and cocaine.
Kevin Dunn as Hidalgo, the conquistador leader who causes trouble for the expedition in Almost Heroes (1998)
Lisa Barbuscia as Shaquinna, wondering about Leslie Edwards’ strange reaction to eagle egg shell medication in Almost Heroes (1998)
Directed by:
Christopher Guest
Cast:
Chris Farley … Bartholomew Hunt
Matthew Perry … Leslie Edwards
Eugene Levy … Guy Fontenot
Kevin Dunn … Hidalgo
Bokeem Woodbine … Jonah
Lisa Barbuscia … Shaquinna
David Packer … Bidwell
Steven M. Porter … Higgins
Hamilton Camp … Pratt
Patrick Cranshaw … Jackson
Christian Clemenson … Father Girard
Frank Solonoma Salsedo … Old Indian
Runtime: 90 min.
Eugene Levy as Guy Fontenot, the translator accompanied by a pretty Indian girl in Almost Heroes (1998)
David Packer as Bidwell, missing an ear because he was caught ogling Shaquinna in Almost Heroes (1998)
Memorable lines:
Bartholomew Hunt: “I thought I’d tell you, there’s already a problem with the men’s morale.”
Leslie Edwards: “It’s our first night out. How can there already be a problem?”
Hunt: “Well, one faction feels you’re distant and you don’t care about them. Another group feels the original high-minded goal of the expedition have been abandoned for quick profits.”
Leslie Edwards, as a ruckus breaks out: “What’s happening here?”
Bidwell: “That French animal bit my ear off.”
Edwards: “Well, that’s an absurd exageration.”
Fontenot, having caught Bidwell spying on Shaquinna, spits out Bidwell’s ear.
Leslie Edwards: “Have you ever been in love, Mr. Hunt?”
Bartholomew Hunt: “I’ve had my head up a petticoat or two.”
Leslie Edwards, as a munity appears imminent: “Jonah, where do your loyalties lie?”
Jonah: “I’m your slave. Who do you think I’m with?”
Edwards: “Thank you, Jonah.”
Jonah: “I’m going with Mr. Hunt.”
Hamilton Cramp as Pratt, excited about locating Bidwell’s missing ear in Almost Heroes (1998)
Bokeem Woodbine as Jonah, preparing to blast away at a threatening squirrel in Almost Heroes (1998)
Steven M. Porter as Higgins, about the share a story about sheep with his traveling companions in Almost Heroes (1998)
Patrick Cranshaw as Jackson, disgusted by the turn his dream trip has taken in Almost Heroes (1998)
Matthew Perry as Leslie Edwards and Lisa Barbuscia as Shaquinna, nearing their destination in Almost Heroes (1998)
Chris Farley as Bartholomew Hunt, ducking for cover as the conquistadors catch up with the expedition in Almost Heroes (1998)
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