An Animal Called Man (1973) - Once Upon a Time in a Western

Brothers Bill (Vassili Karis) and Johnny (Omero Capanna) Matson bicycle into the town of Silver City.

After all, there’s a shooting contest being held there, and Bill is pleasantly surprised to learn the grand prize is “cash and a cutie.”

He wins, of course, and in the process runs afoul of sharp-shooting town boss Mark Foster.

Having already gotten away with robbing a store in the middle of the shooting match, Bill now eyes a bigger prize — part of the fortune Foster is making.

So he and Johnny start collecting protection money on behalf of Foster, but without his knowledge, hoping to become partners.

Foster isn’t looking for partners. He is looking for someone to do away with the two smart alecks who have landed in his town.

Review:

If you’re looking for Spaghetti comedy, you can do a whole lot better, because this is a markedly mixed bag.

The few bright spots: We’re served up some clever dialogue, and Gillian Bray as a barroom girl/doctor who provides a saucy dance routine and walks around in revealing clothing. Before the film ends, our hero has made use of both of her talents. Well, that would only work in a comedy, right?

But the opening is silly. The filmmakers unfortunately decided to make Bill’s brother a stammering idiot (horribly dubbed at that). There’s an over-reliance on fight scenes to fill out the 83 minutes. And the plot’s more than a little muddled.

Just what are these brothers trying to accomplish? At one point, Bill professes regret at forcing a family to pay protection money. Yet they want to be Foster’s partners?

Vassili Karis as Bill Matson in An Animal Called Man (1973)

Omero Capanna as Johnny Matson in An Animal Called Man (1973)

Directed by:
Roberto Mauri

Cast:
Vassili Karis … Bill Matson
Omero Capanna … Johnny Matson
Gillian Bray … Dr. Yvette
as Lillian Bray
Craig Hill … Mark Foster
Gilberto Galimberti … Joe
Paolo Magalotti … Sheriff

Also with: Sergio Serafini, Carla Mancini, Aristide Caporale, Virgilio Ponti, Enrico Chiappafreddo, Alba Maiolini, Bruno Ukmar, Giancarlo Ukmar, Angelo Boscariol, Alfonso Giganti, Roberto Dell’Acqua, Clemente Ukmar, Giulio Maculani, Amerigo Santarelli, Giuseppe Carbone

aka:
Un animale chiamato uomo

Score: Carlo Savaina

Runtime: 83 min.

Gillian Bray as the fetching Dr. Yvette in An Animal Called Man (1973)

Craig Hill as Mark Foster in An Animal Called Man (1973)

Memorable lines:

Johnny, as he pedals his brother across the countryside, uphill: “If the sainted woman who gave me birth saw what her darling boy had come to, she should put me over her knee and whop me for sinking so low.”

Johnny, spying the poster promoting the shooting contest: “Look, you win $500 and a night with Yvette.
Bill: “Nothing better. Cash and a cutie.”

Yvette: “I came from Paris. With a heart full of hopes and a diploma in medicine.”
Bill: “Medicine? You’re a doctor?”
Yvette: “See, you’re just like the rest of them. Nobody trusts me because I’m a woman. All you want is a pretty, brainless female you can play around with. That’s all men want.”

Bill: “You’re always telling me just how much you hope to be in a paradise. Are you beginning to doubt you’ll make it?”
Johnny, fearing Foster and his men: “I’ll make it alright. I’m just not in any hurry to get there. Now I’m well on my way, thanks to you.”

Gunslinger hired by Foster: “Killing the right man is my business.”

Bill, after a shootout with said gunslinger: “One more imbecile in the fiery furnace.”

Yvette, after plucking a second bullet from Bill’s behind: “You keep on this way and you’ll have a bottom like a piece of swiss cheese.”

Omero Capanna as Johnny Matson with Vassili Karis as Bill Matson in An Animal Called Man (1973)

Gillian Bray as Dr. Yvette in An Animal Called Man (1973)

Other tidbits:

* Vassili Karis starred in several Spaghettis in the 1970s, then returned to the genre in 1987 as the former cavalryman who nurses a wounded Indian girl back to health in Bruno Mattei’s violent “Scalps.”

* This marked the only Spaghetti Western and one of just seven credited roles for Gillian Bray.

* Craig Hill reportedly left the project before filming ended, distressed that the film was so bad. That could be the reason from his character’s sudden disappearance from the script.