Calamity Jane (2024)

Emily Bett Rickards is Calamity Jane, and she’s been tossed in the Deadwood jail for thievery and drunkeness by a lawman named Mason (Tim Rozon).

A visitor comes calling — her husband Wild Bill (Stephen Amell), vowing to bail her out as soon as the magistrate’s office opens in the morning.

He also presents her with a deed for a piece of land she’s been admiring, a parcel covered with wildflowers and an orchard. It’s the spot they’ll settle down together, he promises.

Before he leaves the jail, Calamity tries to exact another promise — that Wild Bill go straight to bed and avoid card games and whiskey.

So what does Wild Bill do?

He heads to a Deadwood saloon, orders himself a shot of whiskey, then invites himself into a card game where bad blood is already brewing between himself and Jack McCall.

Then, after winning a fat pot of money, he repeatedly taunts McCall.

Next thing you know, Wild Bill is face down on the card table, resting in a pool of his own blood.

Calamity, of course, vows vengeance. And after breaking jail, she sets off across the badlands after Jack, who’s enlisted a female serial killer and her brothers as his guides.

On their trail is newly promoted Sheriff Mason, looking to drag both Calamity and Jack back to Deadwood to stand trial.

Because in the chaos that followed Calamity’s jailbreak and McCall’s killing of Wild Bill, former Sheriff Griggs wound up dead. And it’s unclear who pulled the trigger.

Review:

Director Terry Miles serves up a film full of action and characters who snipe and snarl at one another. As in endlessly. That’s when they’re not trying to kill one another.

So if you don’t care too much about character development or a complex plot, you might find this a fun romp through the Old West.

Emily Bett Rickards and Tim Rozon certainly give it their best. And Priscilla Faia has a delicious role as Abigail, the aforementioned serial killer who notches kills on her right arm instead of her six-gun. Her brawl with Calamity is one of the film’s highlights.

Lowlights? They’re present too, from action scenes that aren’t always so convincing to long-haired male wigs that aren’t in the least. And can someone please explain why all those hard-working miners are donning dusters, like they just stepped out of a Spaghetti Western and landed in this film?

Then there’s a fancy dan mine owner named Baron, Jack McCall’s brother, played by Christian Sloan. Someone clearly watched “Tombstone” a few times too often and decided to mold his character after Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday. Which turned out to be a very silly decision.

Bottom line: Fans of Westerns aren’t likely to wind up snarling when the credits role. But they’re also unlikely to sit down for another game of cards with this Wild Bill or this Jack McCall.

Directed by:
Terry Miles

Cast:
Emily Bett Rickards … Calamity Jane
Tim Rozon … Sheriff Mason
Stephen Amell … Wild Bill
Primo Allon … Jack McCall
Priscilla Faia … Abigail
Ben Cotton … Wade
Christian Sloan … Baron
Garrett Black .. Rudd
Spencer Borgeson … Floyd
Tyler Burrows … Mack Glanton
James Drew Dean … Lance
Jane Berengel … Tabitha
Troy Mundel … Deputy Richard
Gage Marsh … Deputy Paul
Mike Dupud … Sheriff Griggs
Curtis Lovell … Harper
Stephanie Saunders … Frontier woman
Trey Jordan … Young man
Maia Fields … Working girl

Runtime: 95 min.

Memorable lines:

Sheriff Mason: “You think savin’ a couple of lives absolves you of your sins?”
Calamity Jane: “Well, shit, I figured it couldn’t hurt.”

Sheriff Mason, asking Calamity about her name: “Ever get tired of it? Imagine a lot comes along with a name like Calamity.”
Calamity Jane: “I suppose. But now history don’t remember Janes.
Abigail: “That’s damn right.”
Calamity: “Or Abigails.”

Calamity Jane: “Miracle’s just another word for dumb luck.”

Calamity Janes of Wild Bill: “On his tombstone, can you write that he was a decent man.”
Undertaker: “Was he?”
Calamity: “He wanted to be. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

Calamity Jane: “I really am gonna kill Jack McCall, and you’d better not get in my way.”
Undertaker: “You pull the trigger and I’ll build the coffin.”

Undertaker, as Calamity bemoans her fate: “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s a long fuckin’ line of people ahead of you with a bone to pick with the almighty.”

Undertaker, as he and Calamity Jane watch two grave robbers at work: “Welcome to the badlands.”

Deputy, of Calamity: “I like her. She’s got spunk.”
Sheriff Mason, shaking his head: “She’s got something.”

Sheriff Mason, at Jack McCall, the Barons and his miners show up: “There’s too many of them.”
Calamity Jane: “Just more targets.”

Tim Roxon as Sheriff Mason, finding himself confined in one of his own jail cells in Calamity Jane (2024)

Emily Bett Rickards as Calamity Jane, restrained and being taunted by Abigail in Calamity Jane (2024)