Young sisters Cynthia and Iris Long are bickering at dinner when a Comanche war party shows up.
Within minutes, her father and mother have been brutally slain and the two young girls are captives of the Indians.
Cynthia withstands the harsh treatment of her captors much better than her sister and is adopted by the tribe.
Flash forward 10 years, and it’s time for her naming ceremony. Cynthia’s chosen the warrior path, so she’ll need a strong name, her adoptive father proclaims.
And so Cynthia becomes Fertile Vagina of Mother Coyote — Coyote Woman for short — a member of the last small band of free-roaming Comanches in Texas.
Meanwhile, there’s been a mutiny among a company of the Texas Rangers. J.J. Glanton (Craig Nigh) and Judge Holden (Van Quattro) have decided their days as Rangers are over; they’ll embark on a new business enterprise — as scalp hunters.
Tracking down any remaining Comanches in Texas is their first order of business.
Finding the long-lost Cynthia Long becomes a priority too once Iris Long (Brenna Jones) shows up, minus several fingers and emotionally scarred from her previous encounter with the Indians.
She wants vengeance. And she wants her sister. But she has absolutely no desire for a joyous reunion with Cynthia.
Larissa Dali as Coyote Woman, aka Cynthia Long, proudly astride her horse named Trouble in Coyote Woman (2024)
Cedric Jonathan as Deep Water, aka Stupid Water, returning from a spirit quest to find more of the white man’s liquor in Coyote Woman (2024)
Review:
Within the first three minutes, two characters are scalped — one while still alive — and a finger has been cut off one of the corpses.
Throw in some ridiculously anachronistic dialogue from the Comanches, and viewers will find themselves wondering what sort of crudely filmed, low-budget hell they’ve inadvertently stumbled into.
Before too long, it becomes obvious. This isn’t to be taken seriously. This is a spoof of the exploitation and sexplotation films of the late 1960s and early 1970s.
Heck, the aging commander of the Texas Rangers is even named Albert V. Adamson, after Albert Victor Adamson Jr., the director of several such films, including the Westerns “Five Bloody Graves” (1969) and “Jessi’s Girls” (1975).
So what we’re left with is an occasionally clever, far too long gore fest. Guaranteed that gore will go too far for some viewers. But, hey, the end result is a pretty memorable movie.
The acting? Fortunately, Larissa Dali is likeable in the lead role. But the poor actress is forced to either pat or hold her loincloth in place in lots of scenes to keep her backside covered.
She gets help in her quest for survival from a horse named Trouble, a talking hawk and a “grandfather” who shoots three arrows at time, when he isn’t on a spirit quest in search of more of the white man’s spirit (liquor) to consume.
The film is billed as the first Western depicting scalp hunters J.J. Glanton and Judge Holdenfrom the acclaimed novel “Blood Meridian.”
And it’s dedicated to Gary Kent, the actor playing Maj. Adamson. He died in May 2023 at age 89, nearly a year before this film was released.
Craig Nigh as J.J. Glanton, deciding his time as a Texas Ranger is over and his time as a scalp hunter is beginning in Coyote Woman (2024)
Van Quattro as Judge Holden, rejecting Sticky Joe’s offer to join the scalp hunters on their expedition in Coyote Woman (2024)
Directed by:
Stefan Ruf
Cast:
Larissa Dali … Cynthia Long
Van Quattro … Judge Holden
Craig Nigh … J.J. Glanton
Cedric Jonathan … Deep Water
Michael L. Garcia Jr. … Sgt. Sticky Joe Joseph
Don Daro … Capt. Isaac Burton
Ibe Thiam … Dick Johnson
Heath Allyn … Monkey
Kevin Kurz … Lefty
Brenna Jones … Iris Long
Tom Byrne … Father Padre
Les Best … Poker Bill
Nikk L. Guerra … Coughing Buffalo
Selena Silvas … Morning Star
Gary Kent … Maj. Albert V. Adamson
Cristian Rubio … Stinky
Jaqueline McNulty … Young Cynthia
Kennedy Wilson … Young Iris
Brian Villalobos … Diego de Alcarez
Runtime: 110 min.
Dan Daro as Capt. Isaac Burton, aka Funny Jacket, the Texas Ranger whose men mutiny to become scalp hunters in Coyote Woman (2024)
Michael L. Garcia Jr. as Sgt. Sticky Joe Joseph, aka Buffalo Piss, hoping Coyote Woman is in an appreciative mood in Coyote Woman (2024)
Memorable lines:
Deep Water, after the raid on the Long family: “Raiding is sacred. We are re-enacting the ritual Grandfather Coyote taught the people in order to humanize us.”
Coughing Buffalo: “Deep Water, you are so full of bullshit. Profound bullshit. But bullshit nonetheless.”
Coughing Buffalo, realizing one of the two captive white girls is missing: “You let crybaby (Iris Long) get away.”
Morning Star: “She probably crawled off to die.”
Coughing Buffalo: “What a rookie mistake.”
Texas Ranger Sgt. Sticky Joe Joseph, when part of the Ranger company announces a mutiny: “Hell, I quit too. What kind of business is it we’re going into, Glanton?”
J.J. Glanton: “The hair business.”
Gary Kent as Maj. Albert V. Adamson, commander of the Texas Rangers in Coyote Woman (2024)
Tom Byrne as Father Padre, agreeing to hide a young Comanche boy in his dilapidated mission in Coyote Woman (2024)
J.J. Glanton: “And who are you?”
Iris Long: “They call me the devil. With eyes like frost.”
Coyote Woman, after she’s been given her Indian name: “Father, I will go to the devil’s sinkhole and find my medicine.”
Judge Holden: “Why do they call you Poker Bill?”
Poker Bill: “On account of I was poking the fire with a poker when my old woman cussed me one too many times. So I beat her to death with it.”
Judge Holden: “That sounds reasonable.”
Brenna Jones as a grown and vengeful Iris Long, trying to track down the last of the Comanches in Coyote Woman (2024)
Ibe Thiam as Dick Johnson, tracker for the Texas Rangers in Coyote Woman (2024)
Coughing Buffalo: “You drink the foreigner’s toxic water and it makes you stupid. You’re not Deep Water anymore. You’re Stupid Water.”
Father Padre, about the young Comanche boy he’s sheltering: “What are you gonna do with him?”
Iris: “I just want to gut him, castrate him, scalp him and slit his little baby throat.”
Coyote Woman: “Nice to meet you. I’m Fertile Vagina of Mother Coyote.”
Sgt. Sticky Joe Joseph, turning to his captain: “That’s actually kind of hot.”
Larissa Dali as Coyote Woman, aka Cynthia Long, finding herself a captive of the scalp hunters in Coyote Woman (2024)
Heath Allyn as Monkey, a scalphunter who survives the loss of one eye in an encounter with Coyote Woman in Coyote Woman (2024)
Kevin Kurz as Lefty, a former Texas Ranger forever scratching at his missing left arm in Coyote Woman (2024)
Nikk L. Guerra as Coughing Buffalo, presiding over the naming ceremony for his adopted daughter in Coyote Woman (2024)
Les Best as Poker Bill, explaining how he acquired his nickname in Coyote Woman (2024)
Jaqueline McNulty as young Cynthia Long, being shown one of her dad’s severed fingers in Coyote Woman (2024)
Larissa Dali as Coyote Woman, aka Cynthia Long, engaged in a fight to the death in Coyote Woman (2024)
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