Don’t Touch the White Woman! (1974)

Don't Touch the White Woman (1974) posterGovernment officials are fretting over a stagnant economy and decide the biggest problem is the savages who stand in the path of progress.

They decide the time has come for a final solution: the annihilation of the Indians who won’t stay where they belong.

So they bribe Gen. Terry (Philippe Noiret) to go along with their plan by offering railroad bonds as a wedding gift for his daughter and a box of gold railroad stakes as his personal payoff.

Then they settle on the glory-seeking George Custer ( Marcello Mastroianni) as the commander best suited to handle the problem.

Custer’s more than willing to take on the assignment. He still revels in the success against the Indians at Wachita, and he’s considering a run for president. Another triumph in battle would boost those prospects.

But the assignment includes a reunion with the pompous Buffalo Bill, who wants a piece of any glory there is to grab, and his Indian scout Mitch, who’s getting tired of being warned not to touch the white women.

Meanwhile, Sitting Bull, reluctant to take up arms again, is beginning to listen to his followers, including the Mad Indian, who suggests the time has come for all the tribes to unite against their oppressors.

Marcello Mastroianni as George Custer, scolding troops out of order on the streets of Paris in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Marcello Mastroianni as George Custer, scolding troops out of order on the streets of Paris in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Catherine Deneuve as Marie-Heiene de Boismonfrais, helping stuff dead Indian bodies in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Catherine Deneuve as Marie-Heiene de Boismonfrais, helping stuff dead Indian bodies in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Review:

Ever envision the Custer story being played out in modern-day Paris, complete with lots of political statements and a Battle of the Little Bighorn taking place in a construction pit?

That’s what French director Marco Ferreri serves up here.

With the portrait of President Richard Nixon omnipresent, we have images of Indian women and children being herded into a cooling tower, which is then blown up. And images of Indian bodies being stuffed with newspaper and put on display as a warning about what happens to “mean” Indians.

We have a Buffalo Bill who brags about killing more than 4,000 buffalo in 18 months while working on the railroad. But when it comes time for battle, he develops a belly ache and has to retire from action.

And we have Marcello Mastroianni as Custer, a vain commander obsessed with his looks, unwilling to share credit for the victory he’s sure will come and unable to control his growing lust for the lovely redhead (Catherine Deneuve as Marie-Heiene) he’s just met.

In the end, it all adds up to more of a curiosity than a must-see film.

Alain Cuny as Sitting Bull, contemplating what the Indians should do next in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Alain Cuny as Sitting Bull, contemplating what the Indians should do next in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Serge Reggiani as The Mad Indian shows off a beheaded Indian as a sample of the white man's savagery in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Serge Reggiani as The Mad Indian shows off a beheaded Indian as a sample of the white man’s savagery in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Directed by:
Marco Ferreri

Cast:
Catherine Deneuve … Marie-Heiene de Boismonfrais
Marcello Mastroianni … George Custer
Michel Piccoli … Buffalo Bill
Philippe Noiret … Gen. Terry
Ugo Tognazzi … Mitch
Alain Cuny … Sitting Bull
Serge Reggiani … The Mad Indian
Darry Cowl … Maj. Archibald
Monique Chaumette … Sister Lucie
Daniele Dublino … Government official
Henri Piccoli … Sitting Bull’s father
Franca Bettoia … Rayon de Lune
Paolo Villaggio .. The CIA agent

Runtime: 108 min.

Ugo Tognazzi as Indian scout Mitch, pleading with Custer to leave the cannon behind in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Ugo Tognazzi as Indian scout Mitch, pleading with Custer to leave the cannon behind in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Philippe Noiret as Gen. Terry, admiring the golden railroad spikes he receives as a bride to annihilate the Indians in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Philippe Noiret as Gen. Terry, admiring the golden railroad spikes he receives as a bride to annihilate the Indians in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Memorable lines:

Antropologist: “You have magnificent hair, general.”
Custer: “Yes, it impresses the Indians.” He holds up his comb. “Now you understand why this is so important.”

Custer: “Buffalo Bill — that old fag was my scout for two years. He frequently took the wrong path.”

Custer of the Indians: “They’re savages. I sometimes feel like they’re possessed by demons.”
Marie-Heiene: “May God preserve us from that.”
Custer: “God and the 7th Cavalry.”

Marie-Heiene as she and Custer exchange lust-filled glances: “My poor little heart is like a pony galloping too fast.”

George Custer: “Whoever dies for the country hasn’t lived in vain. I, on the contrary, will live for the country because I’m not that stupid.”

Michel Piccoli as Buffalo Bill, remembering the days when he killed more than 4,000 buffalo in 18 months in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Michel Piccoli as Buffalo Bill, remembering the days when he killed more than 4,000 buffalo in 18 months in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Gen. Terry (Philipppe Noiret) and George Custerr (Marcelloo Mastroianni) present the Indians with options they knew will lead to war in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Gen. Terry (Philipppe Noiret) and George Custerr (Marcelloo Mastroianni) present the Indians with options they knew will lead to war in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Custer's scout Mitch (Ugo Tognazzi) discusses the upcoming showdown with the Mad Indian (Serge Reggiani) in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Custer’s scout Mitch (Ugo Tognazzi) discusses the upcoming showdown with the Mad Indian (Serge Reggiani) in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Catherine Deneuve as Marie-Heiene de Boismonfrais showing up in Custer's room, offering a club sandwich and perhaps more in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Catherine Deneuve as Marie-Heiene de Boismonfrais showing up in Custer’s room, offering a club sandwich and perhaps more in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

Marcello Mastroianni as George Custer, trying to resist the temptation to attack in Don't Touch the White Woman (1974)

Marcello Mastroianni as George Custer, trying to resist the temptation to attack in Don’t Touch the White Woman (1974)

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