Female Artillery (1973)

Dennis Weaver is Deke Chambers, a member of an outlaw gang who’s ran off with the proceeds from a recent bank robbery.

During a brief rest as he flees gang leader Frank Taggart and the rest of the outlaws, he’s surprised by a rifle-toting youngster named Brian Townsend.

Turns out Brian’s part of a small wagon train headed back toward Kansas. Turns out, it’s a wagon train made up entirely of women except for Brian and his brother, who’s come down with the pox.

Deke uses his knowledge of Indian remedies to pull Brian’s brother from death’s doorstep, flirts a bit with the boys’ mom, flirts even more with pretty blonde Charlotte Paxton (Linda Evans), then heads off on his own.

But he hasn’t gone far before he realizes the money in his saddlebags is missing. So he heads back to the wagon train to retrieve it.

Turns out all the women have a bit of the cash stashed in their stockings. And wagon train leader Martha Lindstrom (Ida Lupino) makes Deke an offer he can’t refuse.

They’ll return every last cent of his money if he agrees to guide the wagon train to its next destination: Fort Guerney.

Well, the travelers reach the fort, only to discover it’s been abandoned.

And that’s where Frank Taggart and his gang will finally catch up with Deke Chambers, who now has five women and two young boys to protect.

Dennis Weaver as Deke Chambers, meeting the ladies for the first time in Female Artillery (1973)

Linda Evans as unhappily married Charlotte Paxton, meeting Deke Chambers in Female Artillery (1973)

Review:

The film’s nearly bloodless climax is nearly as hokey as the film’s title, and you won’t find a whole lot of laughs in this TV Western billed as a comedy.

Oh, and about that title: I supposed it comes from the traveling party’s defense of the fort. Three of the women — the characters played by Ida Lupino and Linda Evans included — man an artillery piece. Which is loaded with beans!

The other female members of the wagon train include Sally Ann Howes as the mother of the two young boys, Nina Foch as Amelia Craig, who’s skeptical of of Chambers’ intentions, and Anna Navarro as Mexican girl Sarah Delao, who gets to do little and talk less, but is handy with a gun.

As for Evans, this was one of the roles she landed after making it big on The Big Valley and before she became Krystle Carrington on the hit show Dynasty (1981-1989).

Here, she’s mostly relegated to making googly eyes at Dennis Weaver every chance she gets and fretting about whether he’s attracted to the widow Townsend instead.

Western fans might best remember screen beauty Ida Lupino as the female lead in Lust For Gold (1949), starring Glenn Ford. She’d continue acting through the 1970s. She passed in 1995 at age 77.

Sally Ann Howes as Sybil Townsend, fearful for the safety of her two sons in Female Artillery (1973)

Ida Lupino as Martha Lindstrom, cleaning her six-shooter in Female Artillery (1973)

Directed by:
Marvin J. Chomsky

Cast:
Dennis Weaver … Deke Chambers
Ida Lupino … Martha Lindstrom
Sally Ann Howes … Sybil Townsend
Linda Evans … Charlotte Paxton
Lee Montgomery … Brian Townsend
Albert Salmi … Frank Taggert
Nina Foch … Amelia Craig
Anna Navarro … Sarah Delao
Charles Dierkop … Sam
Nate Esformes … Johnny
Lee de Broux … Squat
Robert Sorrells … Scotto
Bobby Eilbacher … John Townsend
Robby Weaver … Billy

Runtime: 73 min.

Lee Montgomery as Brian Townsend, Sybil’s healthy son in Female Artillery (1973)

Nina Foch as feisty Amelia Craig, who believes nothing Deke Chambers says in Female Artillery (1973)

Memorable lines:

Deke Chambers to 11-year-old Brian Townsend: “I’ll tell you what. Since it’s such hard work diggin’ a grave, I won’t shoot you if you don’t shoot me.”

Martha Lindstrom to Deke Chambers: “What’s a surveyor and a land agent for the railroad doing in these parts? I mean, there’s one of four ways you can go and none of them are gonna get you no place.”

Charlotte Paxton, hunkering down in a wagon as Taggert’s men approach: “Why do I have to be inside?”
Deke Chambers: “Well, I tell you Ms. Charlotte, Taggert’s boys get a peek at a pretty little thing like you, they just might forget they’re lookin’ for me.”

Sybil Townsend: “Why did you join Mr. Taggert?”
Deke Chambers: “Well, why not? You know, ma’am, I was once as trustful and lovin’ a boy as God ever put on this earth. But, ma’am, livin’ among the good people, I’ve been swindled, cheated, deceived, deserted by every friend, flag, female, church and partner that I’ve ever become attached to … I just figured I’d have me a round of livin’ with thieves who knew they were thieves.”

Charlotte Paxton to the judgmental Amelia Foch: “Amelia, for Christmas, I’m going to get you a box of scarlet letters. You can stick them on the chest of all the wicked ladies you know.”

Linda Evans as Charlotte Oaxton, flirting with Deke Chambers as the Taggart gang draws closer in Female Artillery (1973)

Anna Navarro as Sarah Delao, one of the women traveling to Kansas in Female Artillery (1973)

Albert Salmi as Frank Taggert, an outlaw on the trail of former gang member Deke Chambers in Female Artillery (1973)

Ida Lupino as Martha Lindstrom and Dennis Weaver as Deke Chambers, donning cavalry uniforms to fool the Taggert gang in Female Artillery (1973)

Linda Evans as Charlotte Paxton, wondering about Deke Chambers’ plans for the Taggart gang in Female Artillery (1973)

Dennis Weaver as Deke Chambers, finding himself under a young boy’s rifle in Female Artillery (1973)

Linda Evans as Charlotte Paxton and Dennis Weaver as Deke Chambers, alone in the moonlight in Female Artillery (1983)