Longarm (1988)

John Terlesky plays the handsome U.S. Marshal Custis Long, who’s mightily confused by women, but keeps finding himself in bed with them.

That’s what caused his current predicament.

He bedded the lover of outlaw Codie Branch, once his partner. Codie has sworn he’ll get revenge.

Now Codie and his gang have descended on New Mexico Territory, looting, raiding and stealing at will.

In fact, Custis was cuddling in bed with a pretty senorita when the Codie Branch gang hit the town of Drago Springs, stealing nearly every horse in town, including the marshal’s.

Now Custis needs to bring the gang in to restore the reputation of the marshal’s office and keep Sheriff Garrett, an appointee of Mayor Blalock, from taking the law into his own hands.

Along the way, Custis picks up a feisty orphan named Tyler, tries to fend off the advances of pretty Miss Barnett (Whitney Kershaw) and discovers someone with higher ambitions is behind all the robberies Codie and his gang are committing.

Oh, yeah, his life is also saved at one point by a draft version of Gov. Wallace’s novel, “Ben Hur.”

John Terlesky as Custis Long, a lawman forced to track down old buddies in Longarm (1988)

John Laughlin as Codie Branch, the outlaw and old friend Custis Long is tracking in Longarm (1988)

Review:

Light-hearted romp through the West based on the popular Longarm novels. Don’t take it too seriously, and you’ll find it’s a good bit of fun.

Terlesky makes for a handsome and affable led character, Whitney Kershaw is an absolute delight as the inn keeper who would like to settle him down, and Deborah Dawn Slaboda is excellent in the role of the orphan more worldly than she should be for her age.

Then there’s a dog who drinks beer, a horse who will only be ridden by women and a guest appearance by Shannon Tweed, queen of the ’80s R-rated adventure films. who looks like anything but Shannon Tweed when she first shows up on screen.

This TV movie was the pilot for a TV series that wasn’t picked up. Too bad, it’s done with more vim and vigor than most TV Westerns.

Whitney Kershaw as Miss Barnett, the young woman who would like to settle down with Custis Long if only he was the settling type in Longarm (1988)

Daphne Ashbrook as Pearl, about to become the second girl Custis steals from Codie Branch in Longarm (1988)

Directed by:
Virgil W. Vogel

Cast:
John Terlesky …. Custis Long
John Laughlin … Codie Branch
Whitney Kershaw … Miss Barnett
Daphne Ashbrook … Pearl
Deborah Dawn Slaboda … Tyler
Malachi Throne … Blalock
Rene Auberjonois … Gov. Wallace
Lee de Broux … Pat Garrett
Wes Studi … Ute tracker
Shannon Tweed .. Crazy Sally

Runtime: 74 min.

Lee de Broux as Sheriff Garrett, a man in cahoots with Mayor Blalock in Longarm (1988)

Malachi Throne as Blalock, the man who encouraged the Codie Branch gang to raid New Mexico Territory in Longarm (1988)

Memorable lines:

Custis Long: “You’re like one of those dinosaurs, Lester. You got a brain the size of a walnut.”

Custis Long to one of his deputies: “You feeling froggy, Carson? Jump.”

Miss Barnett: “Tyler, how about we take you upstairs and you can have a nice, warm bath.”
Tyler, a young orphan: “I don’t take baths.”
Miss Barnett: “Perhaps you’d like to start.”
Tyler: “I’d rather have a beer.”

Custis Long, on being tied down: “I got certain habits. Bad ones. I’m not going to give them up.”

Custis Long, to orphan Tyler: “How’d you like to live in Sante Fe?”
Tyler: “Are you crazy? I’ve been kidnapped, shot at, and passed around like a spittoon.”

Deborah Dawn Slaboda as Tyler, the orphaned girl Custis Long helps in Longarm (1988)

Wes Studi as the Ute, one of Custis Long’s deputies in Longarm (1988)