No Man’s Land (1984)

Stella Stevens is Nellie Wilder, the thrice-married blonde bombshell who convinced the mayor of Wilder to let her pin on her husband’s sheriff badge after he died.

She needed the money; the mayor (Robert Webber) wanted her. He still does, but the quiet town of Wilder suddenly isn’t so quiet, which has him reconsidering the female sheriff idea.

Notorious outlaw Clay Allison just visited Wilder with his gang, shooting up the place. And they’re also holding up stagecoaches on the outskirts of town.

Nellie needs an arrest to prove her worth as a lawman. But she also has three daughters — one by each husband — to look after.

They include tomboyish Missy (Melissa Michaelson), a lovely blonde aspiring magician named Sarah (Donna Dixon) and a dark haired beauty named Brianne (Terri Garber), who has a fondness for bathing and a cute cowboy (Dack Rambo as Connell).

While searching for the Allison gang, they’re also trying to figure out what he’s up to. Other than the payroll from one stage holdup, the items the gang is stealing make no sense.

Stella Stevens as Nellie Wilder in No Man’s Land (1984)

Donna Dixon as Sarah Wilder in No Man’s Land (1984)

Review:

Comedy Western that’s fun if you don’t take it too seriously, which you shouldn’t going in. It’s especially fun if you’re a fan of Stella Stevens. And everyone should be.

In one of the movie’s more memorable scenes, Nellie’s search for Allison leads her and her attractive daughters to a bordello he’s known to frequent. She gets her man, at least momentarily.

Lots of familiar faces pop up in the cast, include Estelle Getty of “Golden Girls” fame as Nellie’s maid, John Rhys-Davies as a smooth-talking Irishman and Buck Taylor as one of Allison’s accomplices.

Terri Garber as Brianne Wilder in No Man’s Land (1984)

Melissa Michaelson as Missy Wilder in No Man’s Land (1984)

Directed by:
Rod Holcomb

Cast:
Stella Stevens … Nellie Wilder
Donna Dixon … Sarah Wilder
Terri Garber … Brianne Wilder
Melissa Michaelson … Missy Wilder
Marc Alaimo … Clay Allison
Frank Bonner … Deputy Prouty
Estelle Getty … Eurol Muller
Robert Webber … Will Blackfield
John Rhys-Davies … Grimshaw
Dack Rambo … Connell
Janis Paige … Maggie Hodiak
Buck Taylor … Feeny
Jack Garner … Simon Claypool
Sam J. Jones … Eli Howe
Bryan McGuire … Dandy Wallace
Ralph Michael … Doc Havilland
John Quade … Henry Lambert
Eldon Quick … Everett Vanders

Runtime: 94 min.

Marc Alaimo as Clay Allison in No Man’s Land (1984)

Robert Webber as Will Blackfield in No Man’s Land (1984)

Memorable lines:

Nellie, when Missy asks if she ever played in a traveling show: “I never played a dime show in my life. I was in the legitimate theater.”
Eurol: “She could eat a banana under water.”

Eurol: “Never could stand a high, whiny voice on a man. Don’t know how you could.”
Nellie: “We didn’t do much talking.”

Nellie: “You have no right to dictate to me. I’m not married to you.”
Will Blackfield: “Well, why aren’t you? You’ve been married to everyone else.”
Nellie: “I have not! One magician, one gambler and one sheriff does not constitute everybody else.”

Sarah: “Momma’s going in to maybe face Clay Allison, and you want a bath?”
Brianne: “There’s nothing wrong with dying clean.”

Clay Allison: “Let me tell you something, lady sheriff. I never shot nobody that didn’t need shootin’, and right now, you’re edgin’ up high on my list.”

Dack Rambo as Connell in No Man’s Land (1984)

John Rhys-Davies as Grimshaw in No Man’s Land (1984)

Estelle Getty as Eurol Muller in No Man’s Land (1984)

Stella Stevens as Nellie Wildeer in No Man’s Land (1984)