Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Benito Pacifico and Vincent Scott are quarreling brothers Joe and Rico, living in squalor with little ambition to do better in life.

Hoping to change that, their domineering mother ships them off to Stranger City, hoping they’ll learn a thing or two from their brother Mike (Gordon Mitchell).

After all, he owns a successful saloon there where he’s surrounded by lovely young women.

Mike introduces his brothers to saloon girls Dolores (Malisa Longo) and Jeanine (Dada Gallotti).

The boys are bashful at first; they’ve never been with a girl before.

But, before you know it, they’ve fallen in love, though it’s the bartender’s young daughter who’s smitten Rico.

Meanwhile, their parents show up in town, just in time to see Mike risk everything he owns in a high-stakes poker game.

Benito Pacifico (Dennis Colt) as Joe, sent to Stranger City by his ma to learn from his older brother in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Vincent Scott as Rico, fearful during his first encounter with saloon girls in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Review:

If you’re looking for an insipid comedy Western that will have you wondering why you bothered as the credits rolled … well, you’ve found it.

This film matches the likes of Tedeum (1972), The Magnificent West (1972) and An Animal Called Man (1973) when it comes to Spaghetti comedies you’d be better off avoiding.

In order to spare you the trouble of watching, I’ll spoil the twist.

The father of Joe and Rico is a half-wit to the point where he has to be tied to the back of the wagon when ma rolls into Stranger City.

Once Mike has lost everything he owns in that card game, his ma beats him with a rolling pin until he’s knocked unconscious.

The film’s ending features both pa and Mike happily eating from straw-like devices. Now they’re matching simpletons. Oh, boy.

There’s a scene in which Joe and Rico manage to eat a meal while riding a donkey. And another in which six blind-folded combatants duke it out in a barroom brawl, with $500 going to the last man standing. That’s as clever as this one gets.

Gordon Mitchell as Mike, owner of the saloon in Stranger City in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

The card player who gets the best of Mike in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973), Does anyone know who plays this part?

Directed by:
Francesco Degli Espinosa
as Enzo Matassi

Cast:
Gordon Mitchell … Mike
Vincent Scott …Rico
Benito Pacifico … Joe
as Dennis Colt
Malisa Longo … Dolores
Luciano Conti … Enzo
as Lucky McMurray
Fiorella Magaloti … Flo
Dada Gallotti … Saloon girl
Franca Scagnetti … Ma
Pino Frontani … Pa

Also with: Albert Pugliese, Franco Corso, Milena Morris, Mauro Vestri, Atilio Tosato Ignazio Bevilacqua

Runtime: 85 min.

aka:
C’era una volta questo pazzo, pazzo, pazzo West
The Crucified Girls of San Ramon
It Was a Crazy, Crazy West

Franca Scagnetti as Ma in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Pino Frontani as Pa in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Memorable lines:

Sorry, I watched a foreign language version of this film.

Malisa Longo as Dolores, the saloon girl Joe falls for in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Dada Gallotti as Jeanine, one of the girls working in Mike’s saloon in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Trivia:

* The film was made at Gordon Mitchell’s Cave Studios and is one of only two credited to director Enzo Matassi.

* Vincent Scott’s only other film role, according to IMDb, was an uncredited part in “Beyond the Frontiers of Hate.”

Mauro Vestri as the piano player, amazed — and not in a good way — by ma’s voice in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

Pepe Pugliese as Chico, a bartender witnessing yet another brawl in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973)

The bartender’s daughter who Rico falls for in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973). Does anyone know who plays this part?

Molly, the young black girl whose room Rico mistakenly breaks into in Once Upon a Time in the Wild, Wild West (1973). Does anyone know who plays this part?