Stagecoach (1986)

In spite of the fact that Geronimo is on the warpath, the stage is once again bound for Lordsburg. And in spite of the threat of an Indian attack, it’s full of passengers.

There’s Doc Holliday (Willie Nelson) and a gambler named Hatfield (Waylon Jennings). There’s a lady of the night named Dallas (Elizabeth Ashley) and a fine lady about to give birth named Lucy (Mary Crosby). T

here are two townsfolk unlikely to be of much help if the Apache attack — a whiskey salesman named Peacock and a nervous banker named Gatewood.

And up on the box are the driver named Buck (John Schneider of Dukes of Hazzard fame) and Marshal Wilcox (Johnny Cash), who’s looking to bring in the Plummer boys.

Getting vengeance against the Plummers is also on the mind of an escaped prisoner known as Ringo (Kris Kristofferson). You see, they killed his brother.

Ringo hitches a ride on the stage too, only to find himself in the immediate custody of the good marshal.

Ringo’s gun might come in handy should the Apache attack. And Wilcox figures that’s almost certain to happen, especially after the stage is left without its promised cavalry escort.

Kris Kristofferson as Ringo, hitching a ride on the stage Marshal Wilcox happens to be traveling in Stagecoach (1986)

Willie Nelson as Doc Holliday, who finds some of his old skills useful in Stagecoach (1986)

Review:

A curiosity because the film features so many stars of country music. But why did anyone think we needed a cut-rate, TV-movie version of the John Ford classic?

Look, independently, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson were all part of a fine Western or two. Collectively, their laid back style of acting adds up to a film that’s way too laid back.

Willie’s character marks the biggest deviation from the original. Instead of the drunk Doc Josiah Boone (Thomas Mitchell in 1939; Bing Crosby in 1966) we get Doc Holliday. His birth scene with Lucy Mallory (played by Bing’s daughter Mary) is laughably bad.

The romantic scenes between Ringo and Dallas aren’t much better. And weren’t those scenes the key to the success of the first two Stagecoach films?

Even supporting roles went to country music stars, including David Allen Coe, June Carter Cash and Jessi Colter, then Waylon Jenning’s wife. Heck, even Johnny and June’s son has a small role.

Johnny Cash as Marshal Curly Wilcox, asking the stage passengers whether they want to turn back in Stagecoach (1986)

Waylon Jennings as Hatfield, the gambler who feels he owes a debt to the Mallory family in Stagecoach (1986)

Directed by:
Ted Post

Cast:
Willie Nelson … Doc Holliday
Kris Kristofferson … Ringo (Bill Williams)
Johnny Cash … Marshal Wilcox
Waylon Jennings … Hatfield
John Schneider … Buck
Elizabeth Ashley … Dallas
Anthony Newley … Trevor Peacock
Anthony Franciosa … Henry Gatewood
Merritt Butrick … Lt. Blanchard
Mary Crosby … Lucy Mallory
June Carter Cash … Mrs. Pickett
Jessi Colter … Martha
Alex Kubik … Luke Plummer
David Allen Coe … Ike Plummer
Kal Roberts … Hank Plummer

Runtime: 100 min.

Mary Crosby as Lucy Mallory, the pregnant officer’s wife trying to rejoin her husband in Stagecoach (1986)

Elizabeth Ashley as Dallas, the saloon girl bound for a new town with the same old prospects in Stagecoach (1986)

Memorable lines:

Scout, rushing to report to a cavalry officer: “Apaches, sir.”
Officer: “You’re certain.”
Scout, nodding. “My sidekick here is Cheyenne. If he says he’s seen Apaches, it ain’t likely he’s describin’ no sunrise, sir.”

Tevor Peacock: “Mother wanted me to be an actor. Father wanted me to go to hell. So I compromised. I became a whiskey salesman.”

Cavalry officer to Marshal Wilcox: “Are you arresting this man (Ringo)?”
Wilcox: “I sure hope so. This is a poor place for a funeral. There’s not a choir or a flower within 300 miles.”

Anthony Franciosa as Henry Gatewood, trying to slip off with some of his bank’s money in Stagecoach (1986)

Anthony Newley as Trevor Peacock, the whiskey salesman who wants no part of Indian trouble in Stagecoach (1986)

Curly: “If I deputized an escaped convict, I’d be run out of the territory.:”
Ringo: “That’s better than being carried out.”

Buck, after seeing Lucy’s baby for the first time: “That looks just like a baby.”

John Schneider as stagecoach driver Buck, joking that he might have to charge Lucy Mallory another half fare if she gives birth on his stage in Stagecoach (1986)

Alex Kubik as Luke Plummer, the man Ringo wants to get even with in Stagecoach (1986)

Michael Haynes as Capt. John Mallory, learning about Apache trouble just as his wife heads West in Stagecoach (1986)

Merrittt Butrick as Lt. Blanchard, advising the stage passengers not to put their lives at risk in Stagecoach (1986)

Jessi Colter as Martha, threatening to expose her affair with Gatewood if he isn’t more attentive in Stagecoach (1986)

June Carter Cash as Mrs. Pickett and real-life son John Carter Cash as her son Billy, watching the stage leave their station in Stagecoach (1986)

Johnny Cash as Marshal Curly Wilcox, forcing Ringo to turn over his weapons while stage driver Buck (John Schneider) looks on in Stagecoach (1986)

Willie Nelson as Doc Holliday, Kris Kristofferson as Rino and Elizabeth Ashley as Dallas listen to Curly’s concerns about the trip ahead in Stagecoach (1986)