In spite of the fact that Geronimo is on the warpath, the stage is once again bound for Lordsburg. And in spite of the threat of an Indian attack, it’s full of passengers.
There’s Doc Holliday (Willie Nelson) and a gambler named Hatfield (Waylon Jennings). There’s a lady of the night named Dallas (Elizabeth Ashley) and a fine lady about to give birth named Lucy (Mary Crosby). T
here are two townsfolk unlikely to be of much help if the Apache attack — a whiskey salesman named Peacock and a nervous banker named Gatewood.
And up on the box are the driver named Buck (John Schneider of Dukes of Hazzard fame) and Marshal Wilcox (Johnny Cash), who’s looking to bring in the Plummer boys.
Getting vengeance against the Plummers is also on the mind of an escaped prisoner known as Ringo (Kris Kristofferson). You see, they killed his brother.
Ringo hitches a ride on the stage too, only to find himself in the immediate custody of the good marshal.
Ringo’s gun might come in handy should the Apache attack. And Wilcox figures that’s almost certain to happen, especially after the stage is left without its promised cavalry escort.
A curiosity because the film features so many stars of country music. But why did anyone think we needed a cut-rate, TV-movie version of the John Ford classic?
Look, independently, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson were all part of a fine Western or two. Collectively, their laid back style of acting adds up to a film that’s way too laid back.
Willie’s character marks the biggest deviation from the original. Instead of the drunk Doc Josiah Boone (Thomas Mitchell in 1939; Bing Crosby in 1966) we get Doc Holliday. His birth scene with Lucy Mallory (played by Bing’s daughter Mary) is laughably bad.
The romantic scenes between Ringo and Dallas aren’t much better. And weren’t those scenes the key to the success of the first two Stagecoach films?
Even supporting roles went to country music stars, including David Allen Coe, June Carter Cash and Jessi Colter, then Waylon Jenning’s wife. Heck, even Johnny and June’s son has a small role.
Directed by:
Ted Post
Cast:
Willie Nelson … Doc Holliday
Kris Kristofferson … Ringo (Bill Williams)
Johnny Cash … Marshal Wilcox
Waylon Jennings … Hatfield
John Schneider … Buck
Elizabeth Ashley … Dallas
Anthony Newley … Trevor Peacock
Anthony Franciosa … Henry Gatewood
Merritt Butrick … Lt. Blanchard
Mary Crosby … Lucy Mallory
June Carter Cash … Mrs. Pickett
Jessi Colter … Martha
Alex Kubik … Luke Plummer
David Allen Coe … Ike Plummer
Kal Roberts … Hank Plummer
Runtime: 100 min.
Memorable lines:
Scout, rushing to report to a cavalry officer: “Apaches, sir.”
Officer: “You’re certain.”
Scout, nodding. “My sidekick here is Cheyenne. If he says he’s seen Apaches, it ain’t likely he’s describin’ no sunrise, sir.”
Tevor Peacock: “Mother wanted me to be an actor. Father wanted me to go to hell. So I compromised. I became a whiskey salesman.”
Cavalry officer to Marshal Wilcox: “Are you arresting this man (Ringo)?”
Wilcox: “I sure hope so. This is a poor place for a funeral. There’s not a choir or a flower within 300 miles.”
Curly: “If I deputized an escaped convict, I’d be run out of the territory.:”
Ringo: “That’s better than being carried out.”
Buck, after seeing Lucy’s baby for the first time: “That looks just like a baby.”
Chalk this up to the category of “guilty pleasure.” I hated the 1980s when I was there, but find myself nostalgic for that ridiculous decade from time to time.
This feels very much like a self-indulgent country music personal project, but I still can’t help enjoying it. Maybe it’s seeing Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings and Kris Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson in their prime.
Best line for me was pre-baby delivery scene when Dallas tells Doc Holliday/Willie Nelson not to slap the baby and he asks why he would slap the baby:
“I don’t know, but most doctors do. It’s a custom I’m not in favor of. Nobody comes into this world looking for a fight.”
LOL – Put that on my headstone: “Nobody comes into this world looking for a fight.”
What is the name of the newborn baby that played in the movie stage coach?
This is a guilty pleasure for me, too. I thoroughly enjoyed this film. It had every cliche ever used in a B western, which was a delight: Ringo climbing up to the top of the stage; Curley climbing down to the whiffletree to pick up the reins dropped by Buck when he takes an arrow to the shoulder; then Curley falling down between the team when shot and being rescued by Ringo; Hatfield showing incredible accuracy at picking off Apaches from inside a moving stagecoach with only a revolver; and a random arrow penetrating inside the stagecoach and skewering the criminal banker Gatewood. Loved it all. The Saturday B western at the movies was the background of my childhood. So don’t let the hatefulness of the self-styled critics deter y9u from watching it. It’s a corker.