The Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday (1976)

Robert Culp is Jack Colby, a former no-account who’s made a fortune in business and railroads.

Now he has political aspirations and is hosting a prize fight to raise money for William Howard Taft’s bid for the presidency.

But he got his start by cheating Sam Longwood (Lee Marvin) and college-educated half-breed Joe Knox (Oliver Reed) out of their share of proceeds from a mine the three owned.

Now Sam and Joe have tracked Jack down and plan to make him pay for his past sins, to the tune of $60,000.

When he balks at coming up with the cash, they hatch a plan to kidnap his wife Nancy Sue, who was once Sam’s “pure soft-spoken angel.”

Turns out Nancy Sue’s developed a foul mouth and a nagging nature, and Colby would rather pay to have her kidnapped than cough up a ransom to get her back.

So with the help of a pretty runaway whore named Thursday (Kay Lenz) and a scam artist named Billy (Strother Martin), the partners come up with a new plan.

They’ll steal the proceeds from the upcoming prize fight in Serenity Junction.

Review:

Lee Marvin won a best actor Oscar for his performance as the drunken Kid Shelleen in the 1965 comedy Western “Cat Ballou.”

So casting him in another comedy Western made sense, right?

Problem is, this film is pointless, insipid and not very funny. Even the attempts at bawdy humor fall flat.

Let’s see, Joe Knox says he has the clap. And with the help of Mike’s whores, plans to spread it like a plague across the entire United States.

Sam Longwood warns him that the clap can make your privates fall off. Joe Knox grasps him groin and smiles in relief. Hah-hah.

Kay Lenz brightens up the screen as Thursday, the oh-so-innocent looking whore. That’s about the only highlight in this low-brow mess that has her falling for a man 30 years her senior.

Lenz failed to achieve the stardom of Jane Fonda, Marvin’s co-star in “Cat Ballou.” But she’s enjoyed a long career in film and TV and would resurface in a Western in 1991, playing Lance Henriksen’s wife in the TV movie “Gunfighter’s Moon” (1991).

Directed by:
Don Taylor

Cast:
Lee Marvin … Sam Longwood
Oliver Reed … Joe Knox
Robert Culp … Jack Colby
Elizabeth Ashley … Nancy Sue
Strother Martin … Billy
Sylvia Miles … Mike
Kay Lenz … Thursday
Phaedra … Friday
Howard Platt … Vishniac
Jac Zacha … Trainer
Leticia Robles … Saturday

Runtime: 102 min.

Memorable lines:

Jack Colby, after Sam Longwood and Joe Knox break into his office: “I would have got your damn money to you if I could have found you. I tried years ago.”
Sam Longwood: “You’re lying.”
Colby: “How do you know?”
Longwood: “Your lips are movin’.”

Sam Longwood, when Joe says he was conceived during an Indian massacre: “The Army teaches it’s men to love the enemy.”
Joe Knox: “Yes. In groups. My father was a sergeant, two corporals, a bugler and a company cook.”
Longwood: “Well, that makes you about five-sixths white man after all.”

Joe Knox during a dispute with Sam Longwood: “Talk like that could get a man’s liver dropped into the dust.”

Sam Longwood, when Joe balks at the hot-iron cure for the clap: “I thought Indians could take any amount of pain without flinching.”
Joe Knox: “Not this Indian.”

Billy, when the gang suggest Thursday use her charms to help set the stage for their planned robbery: “Thursday, we know that you’ve got your mind set on changing your ways. But it surely wouldn’t hurt much if you put off being virtuous until after Saturday.”

Sam Longwood, as a final showdown looms: “We gonna hide behind women, Jack.”
Jack Colby: “Doesn’t both me none. Not a bad place to be.”