There Was a Crooked Man (1970)

Kirk Douglas is Paris Pitman Jr., and he’s sitting pretty after robbing a rich businessman named Lomax of $500,000 and helping ensure he’s the only member of the gang to survive.

His one mistake: He decides to partake of the lovelies in a bordello that just happens to be Lomax’s favorite. Lomax spots him frolicking with two whores through a peephole. Which means Pittman’s next stop is the territorial prison.

There he winds up in a cell with an outlaw legend named Missouri Kid, a handsome youngster named Coy who’s unlucky in love, a loner named Floyd Moon who drinks too much and gets mean when he does and a pair of con artists — Cyrus McNutt and Dudley Whinner.

Of course, no one’s more of a con artist than Pitman. He cons his cell mates into helping him with an elaborate escape plan. He cons the new warden named Lopeman (Henry Fonda) into thinking they’re allies. And he becomes a leader of sorts to most of the other inmates.

After all, he has a small fortune hidden somewhere out there in the desert.

Unlike his predecessor, Warden Lopeman won’t be tempted by Pitman’s hidden treasure. He does care about reforming the prison and proving that the inmates can become productive citizens upon their release. Of course, Pitman might just put that theory to the test.

Review:

A well-done witty Western sure to have you smiling when the final credits role. Of course, it’s hard to go wrong when your cast is led by Western pros like Henry Fonda and Kirk Douglas.

But a fresh script helps greatly too. So do little touches. Like having a real crime with real victims play out on the street below while Lopeman is chasing a whore out of the town where he’s marshal.

And note how the penny-pinching bartender pours a single shot of whiskey back into the bottle after knocking out the wanted man who was about to drink it.

Burgess Meredith is superb as the old-timer in the prison cell, who can’t help but get caught up in the excitement over a potential jailbreak. And Warren Oates is solid as the loner who thinks he’s finally found a friend in Pitman.

The scriptwriters were also wise not to try to force a romantic subplot into the storyline. The result is a film far superior to your typical Western prison movie.

Directed by:
Joseph L. Mankiewicz

Cast:
Kirk Douglas … Paris Pitman Jr.
Henry Fonda … Woodward Lopeman
Burgess Meredith … Missouri Kid
Warren Oates … Floyd Moon
Hume Cronyn … Dudley Whinner
John Randolph … Cyrus McNutt
Michael Blodgett … Coy Cavendish
C.K. Yang … Ah-Ping
Alan Hale Jr. … Tobaccy
Victor French … Whiskey
Bert Freed … Skinner
Martin Gabel … Warden LeGoff
Arthur O’Connell … Mr. Lomax
Lee Grant … Mrs. Bullard
Pamela Hensley … Edwina
Barbara Rhoades … Miss Jessie Brundidge

Runtime: 126 min.

Memorable lines:

Mr. Lomax, opening his safe: “It’s just a few pennies I put aside for a rainy day.”
Paris Pitman Jr.: “You’ve got enough there for a flood, Mr. Lomax.”

Dudley Whinner: “My hiney’s on fire!”

Warden: “None of you have been particularly adept at living by the rules — out the outside. You’ll do better here.”

Colonel: “They told me something, and I just couldn’t believe it. Did you ask for this job?”
Lopeman: “That’s right.”
Colonel: “Nobody asks to be warden of this prison, Mr. Lopeman. Even Daniel didn’t want to walk into the lion’s den.”
Lopeman: “These aren’t animals, colonel.”
Colonel: “You could have fooled me.”

Lomax: “Why do you work at it so hard, proving to yourself you’re a son-of-a-bitch?”
Pittman: “Because I am. It’s my profession. And I’m at the top.”
Lomax: “Top of the prison yard.”
Pittman: “Not for long.”

Missouri Kid to Lomax: “I never saw a man so full of cow shit in my whole life.”

Cyrus: “They’re killing me by inches, Dudley.”
Dudley: “You’ll outlive us all. You’ve got a lot of inches.”