They Call Him Cemetery (1971)

Brothers John and George McIntire return home to a West that’s wilder than they expected it to be.

They also return home to find that their father and other ranchers are being forced to pay protection money, lest their crops be burned and their cattle rustled.

John (Chris Chittell) and George (John Fordyce) decide to take a stand, but they’re not sure who’s behind the extortion. And they know they’ll have to become more skilled westerners to make a difference.

For the latter, they turn to a man they called the Ace of Hearts (Gianni Garko), who always seems to show up when they’re in any sort of danger.
That’s because Ace feels a debt to the McIntire clan. Years earlier, Clay came across Ace’s family after they’d been ambushed by bandits. They were too late to save Ace’s wife and two children, but they rescued him.

Then Duke (William Berger), another renowned gunman, arrives in town. Ace soon learns he’s working for the opposite side.

Ace reminds him of rule number one on the gunfighter’s credo: no two gunmen eat from the same plate.

But Duke has his own credo, one in which the customer comes first and a job, once taken, needs to be completed.

Review:

Director Giuliano Carnimeo serves up a neat mix of comedy and action and tosses in a few original Spaghetti touches along the way.

So we have a sharp-shooting grandma and a baby nursing on a bullet to let the brothers know just how wild the West still is. And check out that railroad car style stagecoach on which they arrive.

And just when you thought the climatic Spaghetti showdown had been filmed in every possible manner, Carnimeo and company prove otherwise.

Most of the comic relief comes via the brothers and their Mexican protectors – Pedro and Chico – who also take lessons from Ace, though they’re already quite adept with knives.

Meanwhile, Duke and Ace try to outwit one another. Except when Duke’s helping Ace do away with some of the villain’s other henchmen, all in an attempt to make his services more valuable.

As for the film’s downfalls, there are two of those pointless saloon brawls. And despite that, not a lovely lass in sight to brighten up the scenery.

Directed by:
Giuliano Carnimeo
as Anthony Ascott

Cast:
Gianni Garko … Camposanto
William Burger … Duke
Chris Chittell … John McIntire
John Fordyce … George McIntire
Ugo Fangareggi … Pedro
Raimondo Penne … Chico
Franco Ressel … Judge
Aldo Barberito … Sheriff
Ivano Staccioli … Avelin
Nello Pazzafini … Cobra Ramirez
Giovanni Di Benedetto … Douglas Toland
Ugo Adinolfi … Breeder
Gildo Di Marco … Undertaker
Bill Vanders … Clay McIntire
Pinuccio Ardia … Gunsmith

Runtime: 88 min.

aka:
Gli fumavano le Colt… lo chiamavano Camposanto
His Pistols Smoked … They Called Him Cemetery
A Bullet for a Stranger

Music: Bruno Nicolai

Memorable lines:

Clay McIntire, about a stranger he saved years earlier: “I guess he lost all faith in his fellow man though. Because I heard rumors he became a gunfighter. One of the deadliest in the territory.”

Duke, after shooting a gun out of a man’s hand: “You’re a very lucky man. You’d be dead if there was money on it.”

Duke, of The Ace of Hearts: “That dirty son of a … Wonder if we’re related?”

George McIntire, realizing his Mexican helpers have kidnapped the sheriff: “Have you gone mad?”
Pedro: “Senor, George, I am only a poor peon. I do not know how to read or write. But I can look a man in the eye, and know right away what he feels in his heart.”

Duke to his boss: “I don’t like it. I’m not partial to sheriffs getting murdered. It’s got a criminal smell to it.”

Ace of Hearts: “I’ll have to teach you some self-restraint.”
Duke: “Don’t waste your time. A lot have tried. And a lot have died.”

Trivia:

Watch for a neat appearance by Spaghetti regular Nello Pazzafini as Cobra Ramirez, a mean-tempered Mexican who has locks of hair from his gunshot victims dangling from the brim of his sombrero.

This movie was based on a script by Enzo Barboni, who directed the Trinity movies. He was reportedly asked to direct this one as well, but feared it was too serious as a follow-up project to his Trinity successes.

As for the McIntire brothers, Chris Chittel made his film debut with a supporting role in “To Sire with Love” (1967) and began a long-running role on the British soap opera “Emmerdale” in 1986. This was the last of just six film roles for John Fordyce.