Union Gen. Sherman has marched his troops through Georgia and Northern troops are now making their way into South Carolina.
While Confederate forces converge in an attempt to halt that advance, four officers — Maj. Tombs (Jerry Chesser), Lt. Tuten (Russell Dobson), Sgt. Augustus and Capt. Hampton — form a special unit they call the Band of Rebels.
Their goal is to launch unauthorized raids behind enemy lines to disturb the Yankees and their supply chain in any way possible.
The four become five when they meet a young woman named Maria (Lizzi Tompkins), who’s just been orphaned by the war, but shows as much fighting spirit as most men.
The band figures an attractive young woman just might be able to use her feminine charms to get them closer to objectives where four men in Confederate gray would immediately arouse suspicion.
Still, in spite of their efforts, the war is going badly. And Gen. Longstreet is becoming obsessed with getting vengeance against one Union officer in particular — Gen. Kilpatrick.
So obsessed, in fact, that he summons the Band of Rebels and sends them off with a solitary goal: to assassinate the Union general.
Director Christopher Forbes has now released about a half dozen films about the Union’s march through the South near the end of the Civil War.
Those films are marked by wooden acting from many of Forbes’ regulars, unfocused plots and lame re-enactment footage that leaves the viewer with no idea of what’s happening or even who won the battle being depicted.
Lizzi Tompkins earns this movie one star for her sometimes unintentionally hilarious portrayal of a female who joins the Band of Rebels.
Her “poor, poor pitiful little me” routine, designed to help get her colleagues closer to a pontoon bridge they hope to destroy, is one of the funniest Forbes has directed. She winds up knocking out two Union soldiers with her kickboxing skills. Yep, folks, this is a Civil War film with a female kick boxer.
But not so much of that Band of Rebels. We never get to see them on a successful mission prior to the assassination attempt. We don’t even find out if they succeeded in blowing up that aforementioned pontoon bridge.
Instead, we’re treated to a subplot in which Maria is left under the tutelage of a swamp witch known as Mama Thorn, a frequent character in Forbes’ recent films.
Worse yet, the ending seems to set the stage for another film of this ilk.
Directed by:
Christopher Forbes
Cast:
Lizzi Tompkins … Maria
Jerry Chesser … Confederate Major Tombs
Russell Dobson … Confederate Lt. William Tuten
Paul Clayton … Confederate Sgt. Augustus
Daniel Dobson … Confederate Capt. Wade Hampton IV
Eddie Rodgers … Gen. Wade Hampton III
William Wylie … Gen. Longstreet
Jezibell Anat … Mama Thorn
Wendy Miklos … Mary Hampton
Brad Owens … Union Gen. Kilpatrick
Joseph Zuchowski … Union Col. McBride
William Adams … Harris
Wade Fulmer … Union naval captain
Jessie Glenn … Union Lt. Sykes
Nathan Oxner … Capt. Booreman
Runtime: 82 min.
Memorable lines:
Lt. William Tuten, as Maj. Tombs starts firing bullets into a Union soldier who’s trying to surrender: “Once the major gets started, it’s kinda hard to stop him.”
The major fires four more bullets into the dead man.
Sgt. Augustus: “Hey, major, I think his arm’s still attached.”
Another shot rings out.
Maj. Tombs: “Not anymore.”
Maria, jumping out in front of some Union soldiers: “Woe, woe, woe is me. Yankees done burned down my house and left me and my family with nothin’ to live on. Pity a poor country girl, won’t ya?”
Union officer, staring in her direction: “What kind of twisted nonsense is this?”
Mama Thorn to Maria: “You know, a lot of men are useless when they run out of bullets.”
Mrs. Hampton, as Maria joins her family for dinner at the Millwood Plantation after spending time with the swamp witch: “So, Maria, in addition to finding yourself a good husband, where do you see yourself in the future?”
Maria: “I think I’d like to find my own swamp and find my own way. I think I’d like to raise gators.”
Gen. Wade Hampton raises his eyebrows in shock.
Mrs. Hampton: “Okay. I think I’ll stop asking questions now.”
Mama Thorn to Maria, as Maria prepares to ride off with the band: “These are chicken feet. They’re painted black with walnut juice so they’re just like the cover of darkness. Now they can’t stop a bullet. Ain’t no magic can do that. But carry one of these when you get into enemy territory, and you’ll get to where they (the band of rebels) need to be.”
Gen. Longstreet: “Lieutenant Tuten, I imagine (Gen.) Hampton has filled you in on why I want you here.”
Lt. Tuten: “Yes, sir. You want Yankee General Kilpatrick good and dead.”
Longstreet: “Yeah. I want him shot, cut up, blown up, burned up, whatever has to be done. But I don’t want him to even be adequate buzzard bait.”