Roswell 1847 (2007)

Lady Tracy Gates (Tracy Redington) lives in England but wants to visit a cave in New Mexico she’s heard so much about.

When a young barker shares the news that free land is available in America, she decides it’s the chance she’s been waiting for.

She needs three “stupid” people to accompany her across the ocean, and finds them in a comedian named Pete, a homeless man named Geoff and a woman named Annabelle who’s looking to climb the social ladder.

Once in America, Tracy guides them right past the free land, pretending to have lost her way until they wind up in Roswell, New Mexico.

It’s a strange town where there are no children and where people who seem to have been killed are nearly stunned and spring back to life a few minutes later.

That’s a habit that keeps Roswell from losing any of its 51 residents, but frustrates the local undertaker.

But out there somewhere is a cave Tracy heard about from her father’s brother’s sister-in-law’s uncle , who was a miner in the area in 1839.

He’s told a tale of a fantastic flying ship that landed at the site.

Review:

What was the point to this Z-grade production? I mean, it’s supposed to be a comedy, but it failed to make me laugh. Not a single chuckle.

It did put me to sleep though, which meant I needed to queque it up twice to get through 80 minutes.

At one point a character is stabbed in the shoulder and guided to the local saloon by his wife. The bartender promptly demands he sing a song. Then his wife arranges a shoot-out for him at high noon the next day. Huh?

At another point, the narrator tells us a strange occurence has caused the town to become deserted. Over the course of the next couple of scenes, all the characters we’ve met are right back in the town.

Don’t waste your time. If you’re interested in Roswell and aliens, any documentary on what might or might not have happened in 1945 is going to be more interesting than this nonsense.

By the way, why does the Roswell cemetery Pete visits a couple of times have a sign that reads Laredo Town Cemetery?

Directed by:
Ian Paterson

Peter Ward … Pete
Tracy Redington … Tracy
Geoff Eyers … Geoff
Annabelle Ward ,,, Annabelle
Norman Lovett … Alein
Gabrielle Amies … Gabby
Ian Paterson … Man from London
Ari Gill … Drunk Indian
Kimberley Palmer … Snake oil saleswoman

Also with: Chris Becker, Cheryl Bennett, William Cheney, Jason Cleary, Suad Isas Nubia, Kieron James, Mike Konik, Rob Talbot

Runtime: 80 min.

Memorable lines:

Roswell townsman: “You a rich man, little fella? Cause I shoot little rich men.”

Indian girl: “Cowboy, you stink um.”

Male traveler: “Why did you leave England?”
Annabelle Ward: “You know the black death?”
Female traveler: “Yes.”
Annabelle: “Well, it was nothing to do with that.”

Undertaker, when a duel victim gets back up and walks off: “Always teasin’ me. Is one dead body to much to ask in this town?”

Indian to Tracy: “Me Little Big Horn. You little horny.”