Desperate Women (1978)

The desperate women are three female convicts, being carted in a prison wagon from Yuma Prison to Tucson.

And if the women weren’t desperate because of the trip, they are after they stop by a water hole in the middle of nowhere.

The water’s been poisoned. Their driver and their guard drop dead, leaving them alone and locked inside the back of the wagon with no food or water.

That’s when Benjamin Ward (Dan Haggerty) stops by.

The women try to convince Ward they’ve been kidnapped. Their official paperwork proves otherwise.

They include Selena Watson (Ronee Blakley), sentenced to 20 years for robbery and assault; Joanna Drake (Ann Dusenberry), sentenced to three years for attempted murder; and Esther Winters (Susan Saint James), sentenced to five years for theft and embezzlement.

Ward’s familiar with Esther. In fact, he’s the one who put her behind bars, though she had a good reason to steal back the $7,000 inheritance the bank swindled from her.

So he agrees to escort the three women to safety.

Along the way, they pick up two orphans — a young girl named Amy and her younger brother Charlie — a deserter named Terry, a cow named Zachary Taylor and a dog named Kelly.

They might also have trouble with the Apaches and with Blackjack Ketchum’s gang. Selena insists Blackjack is coming to free her.

They certainly can’t count on the cavalry for help. They’re so woefully lost in the desert, they aren’t sure how to return to their own fort.

Review:

A sorta comedy Western that would probably be funnier with a bit more spark and someone not quite as low-key as Haggerty in the lead role.

Among the ladies, Ronee Blakley has the best part as the sassy, high-spirited Selena, always trying to grab a gun and turn the tables on her rescuer.

Oh, and please don’t expect anything as saucy as those foreign VHS covers on IMDb might suggest. This was, after all, a 1970s TV Western.

Heck, it even features a theme song that narrates the action, with lyrics that go on a tangent every time you think the singer’s about to utter a four-letter word.

There’s a twist involving that prison wagon to look forward to as well.

Directed by:
Earl Bellamy

Cast:
Ronee Blakley … Selena Watson
Ann Dusenberry … Joanna Drake
Susan Saint James … Esther Winters
Dan Haggerty … Benjamin Ward
Susan Myers … Amy
Tiger Williams … Charlie
Randy Powell … Terry Randall
James Griffith … Jonas Scurlock
Michael Delano … Black Jack Ketchum
Taylor Lacher … Tulsa Red
Max Gail … Lt. Spangler

Runtime: 95 min.

Song: “The Ballad of Three Desperate Women”

Memorable lines:

Selena, as the prison wagon guard suggests there might be a way for the ladies to get more refreshment: “Looks like Mr. Robertson wants to make nice with us.”
Joanna: “I’d rather die.”
Esther: “Look, it has to be one of us, or we’re all gonna die.”
Selena: “This ain’t no prayer meeting. There has to be one loose, immoral woman among us.”

Benjamin Ward, reading the sentencing papers for the three women locked inside the prison wagon: “Looks to me like I ran into a nest of black widows.”

Esther, after meeting Tulsa Red: “With men like that out here, the thought of being locked up again makes me feel safe.”

Selena, of Ward: “I hope nothing’s happened to him.”
Joanna: “You mean you hope nothing’s happened to his canteen.”
Selena: “That too.”

Terry Randall: “Now what makes you think I’m a deserter?”
Joanna: “You’re riding an Army horse on an Army saddle, carrying an Army pistol in an Army holster on an Army belt.”
Randall: “Just a wild guess.”

Max Gail as Lt. Spangler, the cavalry officer who’s lost his way in Desperate Women (1978)

Ronee Blakley as Selena Watson, seeking a loose, immoral volunteer in Desperate Women (1978)

Ann Dusenberry as Joanna Drake, warning about a poisoned water hole in Desperate Women (1978)

Susan Saint James as Esther Winters, wondering what trouble comes next in Desperate Women (1978)