Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Lee Marvin is Ben Rumson, a frontiersman who saves the life of a settler (Clint Eastwood) when the man’s wagon goes careening down the hillside.

Unfortunately, the man’s brother dies. But Rumson spots gold in the dirt where he’s digging the brother’s grave, and immediately declares the surviving settler his Pardner.

Soon, folks are flocking to No Name City … at least males looking to make their fortune. There isn’t a female anywhere around.

The situation is so desperate that when a stranger comes riding through town with two women in tow, everyone gathers around just to catch a glimpse.

Turns out Jacob Woodling is a Mormon. Both women are his wives. But they’re such a quarreling duo that Jacob agrees to auction one off to the highest bidder.

Rumson outbids everyone and claims Elizabeth (Jean Seberg) as his wife. She has one request: He needs to build her a cabin, a proper home for a married woman.

But soon, Rumson discovers that being married to the only woman around isn’t as idyllic as it would seem. So he leads an expedition to kidnap six prostitutes and bring them back to No Name City.

He leaves Pardner to watch after Elizabeth. By the time he returns, Pardner has a confession to make: He’s fallen for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth has a confession too: She loves Pardner. But she also loves Ben. And she sees no reason why she can’t have two husbands, which will become more and more problematic as No Name City becomes more and more civilized.

Lee Marvin as Ben Rumson in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Clint Eastwood as Pardner tries to talk sense into his partner in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Review:

Reportedly, this film cost $20 million to make. Which is about $19,999,999 more than it was worth.

Seriously, unless you love musicals, or just can’t resist the urge to watch Lee Marvin sing or Clint Eastwood reach the nadir of his career by doing the same, this film will be a massive waste of 164 minutes of your life.

And even if you want to hear the stars sing head to the 1:58 mark for Lee Marvin’s “Wanderin’ Star,” which somehow became a hit in the U.K., and to the 1:08:30 mark to hear Clint tackle “I Talk to Trees.” He attempts to sing “Gold Fever” at the 2:18 mark.

Oh, and remember, Clint was coming off Sergio Leone’s Dollars/Man with No Name trilogy, which made him a box office star. In this film, we don’t learn the name of Eastwood”s character — Sylvester Nowel — until the final scene.

Seberg and Eastwood supposedly had an affair during filming, one which prompted her to end her marriage and one he broke off immediately after the movie was complete.

Meanwhile, he referred to the film as “Cat Ballou 2,” which is an insult to everyone involved in the much funnier, much better “Cat Ballou.”

Jean Seberg as Elizabeth urges her Mormon husband to sell her in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Jacob and Sarah Woodling contemplate selling Elizabeth to the highest bidder in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Directed by:
Joshua Logan

Cast:
Lee Marvin … Ben Rumson
Clint Eastwood … Pardner
Jean Seberg … Elizabeth
Harve Presnell … Rotten Luck Willie
Ray Walston … Mad Jack Duncan
Tom Ligon … Horton Fenty
Alan Dexter … Parson
William O’Connell … Horace Tabor
Benny Banker … Haywood Holbrook
Alan Baxter … Mr. Fenty
Paula Trueman … Mrs. Fenty
Robert Easton … Atwell
Geoffrey Norman … Foster
H.B. Haggerty …Steve Bull
Terry Jenkins … Joe Mooney
Karl Bruck … Schermerhorn
John Mitchum … Jacob Woodling
Sue Casey … Sarah Woodling
Eddie Little Sky … Indian
Harvey Parry … Higgins
H.W. Gim … Wong
Roy Jenson … Hennessey
Patrick Hawley … Clendennon

Runtime: 164 min.

Title song: “I’m On My Way”

Harve Presnell as Rotten Luck Willie in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Ray Walston as Mad Jack Duncan in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Memorable lines:

Pardner: “What happens when you get in a fight?”
Ben Rumson: “If four of anything come at me at one time, you might lend a fist. Up until then, I can pretty much take care of myself. You see, I don’t fight fair.”
Pardner: “Well, I don’t fight at all unless I absolutely have to. I’ve got a kind of a temper and once I start, I just can’t quit.”

Jacob Woodling to Sarah and Elizabeth: “Brigham Young has 27 wives and he hasn’t had half the trouble I’ve had with the two of you.”

Lyrics to the wedding song: “Mr. Rumson bought a bride / out in Cali-forny / he’d have saved a lot of money / staying drunk and horny.”

Tom Ligon as Horton Fenty in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Alan Dexter as the Parson in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Horace Tabor: “Is it your proposal, Mr. Rumson, that we knock out the stage driver, steal a (stage) coach and kidnap six women?”
Ben Rumson: “Sounds better every time I hear it.”

Ben Rumson to Pardner: “Pardner, there’s a shifty side t you I’m just beginning to appreciate.”

Lee Marvin as Ben Rumson in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Clint Eastwood as Pardner endurs a cold and lonely winter with Ben Rumson in Paint Your Wagon (1969)

Ben Rumson: “You show me anywhere on the whole long list of 10 commandments where it says a woman can’t have two husbands.”
Pardner: “There ain’t no commandment like that. How damn! I think it’s great. It’s history making.”

Ben Rumson to Pardner: “Pardner, it’s been my experience that there ain’t nothin’ more ruthless and treacherous than a genuine good woman.”