The Legend of God’s Gun (2007)

Left horseless by a sharp-shooting bounty hunter, the bandit El Sobero and his men stumble around the wilderness until they end up in the town of Playa Diablo, a small village they’ve ravaged before.

The sheriff has a score to settle with El Sobero.

So does the vengeance-seeking preacher, who lost his wife to the bandits.

And, of course, the bounty hunter follows the bandits to the town as well.

Then there’s Jane, the sheriff’s wife. She’s sleeping with the deputy, but doesn’t love him. She doesn’t much care for the sheriff either.

But she’ll make off with the loot from the bank while everyone else shoots it out, if only she can slip away undetected.

Review:

Don’t waste your time.

In the opening monologue, we’re told this is the first rock-and-roll Western, with a cast made up of musicians living the cowboy lifestyle and inspired by the Spaghetti Westerns of the 1960s and 1970s.

Well, they learned the lesson about populating a Western with bizarre characters. El Sobero, for instance, thinks he’s invincible because he’s been raised on scorpion venom.

But to suggest there’s a plot to this muddled mess would be a compliment the filmmakers don’t deserve. Instead, we get someone having sex with a corpse. A dying husband spurting blood all over his wife. A bounty hunter talking about pigs licking one another’s butts, with no regard as to whether the butts are male or female.

And it’s all beyond low budget. The bounty hunter’s horse has been shot. The outlaws’ horses have been shot. Clearly there just wasn’t enough money in the budget for horses. Or a script writer.

As for the Spaghetti comparison, that would be an undeserved compliment, too, though the final showdown is complete with really tight Spaghetti-style facial closeups.

The only bright spot: The music, especially Gram Rabbit’s “Devil’s Playground.” But you can download that from iTunes without wasting 78 minutes of your life.

Directed by:
Mike Bruce

Cast:
Robert Bones … Gunslinger/Preacher
Kirpatrick Thomas … El Sobero
Dave Koenig … Bounty Hunter
Julie Patterson … Jane
Mike Bruce … Colt, the sheriff
Henry Evans … Bandito #1
Scott Dyeswell … The Deputy
Sally Fay Dalton … Bonnie
Samantha Smith … The Screamer
Jarid Southard … The Ratman
Randy America …Necro Man

Runtime: 78 min.

Memorable lines:

El Sobero: “My bloodline has been raping and pillaging for thousands of generations, with no ill effect.”

El Sobero to Sheriff: “I expect a warmer greeting from an old friend.”
Sheriff: “Let’s see. You got drunk. You stole my horse. And you crashed her into a tree. You raped my wife. You expect me to bring out the welcome wagon? You’re dumber than I thought.”