The Legend of the Golden Gun (1979)

Jess Osterhage is John Golden, a youngster who loses his family, his home and his beloved horse Moonbeam to the evil of William Quantrill in 1863 Kansas.

He nearly dies after being driven off a cliff by Quantrill’s men, but is found and nursed back to health by Joshua Brown (Carl Franklin), a Shakespear-quoting former slave.

More than anything, he wants to get revenge on Quantrill. But first, he needs tutelage on how to handle a gun.

He figures the best way to do that is head West and find the renown Jim Hammer, a dressed-all-in-white dispenser of justice who has somehow wound up with a $10,000 bounty on his head.

First, he encounters gunsmith J.R. Swackhammer (Hal Holbrook), who offers the lad a place to stay and agrees to share his knowledge of guns until Hammer drops by, which he’s prone to do.

John’s well on his way to becoming a skilled gunman when a gold shipment entices Quantrill’s men to attack a stagecoach.

John rides to the rescue. So does the 7th Cavalry. So does Jim Hammer.

But Quantrill escapes with the gold and Hammer winds up wounded. It’s at that point that John realizes Hammer and Swackhammer are one in the same.

Ready to retire, Swackhammer passes on his white cowboy duds and his seven-shot pistol to the young man.

And so John Golden rides off in search of Quantrill, ready to dispense justice on his own.

Review:

As a children’s film, this cross between “Star Wars” and “The Lone Ranger” might work.

As a serious Western … well, viewers are likely to wonder whether the producers are serious or about to serve up a spoof.

That’s especially true just a few minutes in, when the love song to the horse named Moonbeam begins playing.

That’s not all. The lessons from Swackhammer — what a name — include teaching Johnny how to shoot and lasso horses blind-folded. Which he does quite proficiently, of course.

And somehow, Buffalo Bill, George Armstrong Custer, Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley’s mom and Sitting Bull wind up in the same slaoon at the same time.

Keir Dullea’s over-the-top performance as Custer, wearing shades and smoking a corn cob pipe, is atrocious. He’s forever wanting to “get Grant’s goat” and, during a barroom brawl, vows to get Sitting Bull, one day.

Elissa Leeds-Fickman plays just-turned-21 Sara, the pretty damsel in distress. The film’s highlight is Michele Carey as saloon owner Maggie, J.R.’s former lover as she tests out the new guy wearing her man’s outfit.

No, not that way. This is, after all, a family film. Producers were serious about that after all.

Directed by:
Alan J. Levi

Cast:
Jeff Osterhage … John Golden
Carl Franklin … Joshua Brown
Robert Davi … William Quantrill
Keir Dullea … Gen. Custer
Michele Carey … Maggie
John McLiam … Jake Powell
Elissa Leeds-Fickman … Sara Powell
R.G. Armstrong … Judge Harrison
Hal Holbrook … J.R. Swackhammer
R.L. Tolbert … Buffalo Bill

Runtime: 100 min.

Memorable lines:

Joshua Brown, to John Golden: “Hey, hey, hey, listen. To want to kill Quantrill is one thing. To actually try to do something about it is quite another. It’s suicide. That man is a fighter. One of the toughest and meanest around.”

J.R. Swackhammer to John Golden: “Horses are keen to people, to what they’re worth. If that horse just picked you as his master, I’m inclined to trust his judgment.”

Custer, repeatedly: “That ought to get Grant’s goat.”

John Golden, as he watches the preparations for a hanging: “Never knew killing a man could be so much fun, Dancer. Sure don’t say much for the human race.”

Maggie to John Golden, as he walks into her saloon: “That’s a mighty big suit you’re trying to wear, mister.”

J.R. Swackhammer: “Try the gun. Empty it.”
John Golden fires off six shots.
“I said empty it.”
He fires off a seventh.
John, puzzled: “Seven shots?”
J.R. “Evil has it’s way of tipping odds in its favor sometimes. Best making your own. That seventh bullet is for evil.”

Keir Dullea as Gen. Custer, trying to track down Quantrill in The Legend of the Golden Gun (1979)

R.G Armstrong as sheriff and judge Harrison, Quantrill’s mining partner in The Legend of the Golden Gun (1979)