Wild Wild West (1999)

Will Smith is James West, Kevin Kline is Artemus Gordon, special agents summoned to Washington, D.C., by President Grant.

A former Rebel known as Dr. Arliss Loveless has been kidnapping top scientists specializing in a variety of fields.

Now his intent has become obvious in a message to the president: He intends to overthrow the U.S. government within a week.

After doing so, large portions of the east and south will be returned to Mexico and the European nations who used to control those areas.

And Loveless will set himself up as ruler of a large swath of the Western U.S., surrounded by a squadron of lovely femme fatales and armed with secret weapons those scientists helped develop.

James West is a shoot-first sort of guy; Artemus Gordon is a thinking man’s secret agent, devising his own assortment of technological gadgets. 

That means their relationship gets off to a rocky start. The arrival of lovely Rita Escobar (Selma Hayek), looking to find her scientist father, doesn’t help matters by arousing the interest of both men.

But when Loveless shows up aboard a giant, mechanical tarantula capable of leveling a Western town in minutes, the men realize they’ll have to work together to save a president and the nation.

Review:

The futuristic special effects make this unlike any other Western, at least until “Cowboys & Aliens” (2011) came along.

Kline plays two roles, Gordon and president Grant, but it’s Will Smith who steals the show and makes the film worth watching.

And it is worth watching for Western fans, regardless of the fact that the film won a Golden Razzie as the worst movie of 1999.

Yep, the villains — Dr. Loveless and Gen. McGrath — seem to spring from the pages of a comic book.

Nope, the script doesn’t make very good use of Salma Hayek. Oh, she makes for very fine eye candy, but this damsel seems barely distressed — or part of the plot — once in the hands of Dr. Loveless.

But the film had a budget of more than $170 million and looks it. Plus it ends with a great spoof on cowboys riding off into the sunset.

For those wondering, the original “Wild Wild West” TV series ran for four seasons and more than 100 episodes (1965 to 1969). Robert Conrad played James West; Ross Martin was Artemus Gordon.

The TV series’ most frequently seen villain was Dr. Miguelito Quixote Loveless, a dwarf, not the maimed wheelchair-bound former Confederate Kenneth Branagh plays here.

Directed by:
Barry Sonnenfeld

Cast:
Will Smith … James West
Kevin Kline … Artemus Gordon / President Grant
Kenneth Branagh … Dr. Arliss Loveless
Salma Hayek … Rita Escobar
M. Emmet Walsh … Coleman
Ted Levine … Gen. McGrath
Frederique Van Der Wal … Amazonia
Musetta Vander … Munitia
Sofia Eng … Miss Lippenrieder
Bai Ling … Miss East
Rodney A. Grant … Hudson

Runtime: 106 min.

Memorable lines:

James West, when the entire water tower shakes while he’s making out with a pretty lady: “Much as I’d like to take credit for that, you might want to hand me my gun.”

President Grant: “West, not every situation calls for your patented approach of shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and then, when everybody’s dead, try asking a question or two.”

Miss East: “Let’s see, Mr. West, are you a dangerous spy? Or just a handsome cowboy who likes to poke around?”
James West, as Miss East slides seductively onto a desk in front of him: “I think I’m that second one.”

Coleman, being ordered to stop the train to remove a new passenger: “Who the hell is Miss Escobar?”
Rita Escobar: “I’m a starving, frightened, half-naked young woman who only wants to find her father.”
Coleman: “We’re not putting anyone off out here in the middle of nowhere. Especially if they’re half naked.”

Artemus Gordon: “It’s nice having her on board. She’s a breath of fresh ass.”
James West: “You said ass.”
Artemus: “No I didn’t. I said, ‘It’s nice having her on board. She’s a breast of fresh air.”

Rita Escobar, as she heads off with her husband, having tricked the secret agents into helping free Mr. Escobar: “At least you still have each other.”

Will Smith as James West, ready with a knife when his snooping is interrupted in Wild Wild West (1999)

Kevin Kline as Artemus Gordon, getting a first look at Dr. Loveless’s secret weapon in Wild Wild West (1999)

Bai Ling as Miss East, one of Dr. Loveless’s femme fatales in Wild Wild West (1999)

Salma Hayek as Rita Escobar, trying to convince James West to help find a scientist in Wild Wild West (1999)